Heros
Writing, for me, is part entertainment, part therapy. For years I've kept a personal journal, one that I write in by hand, so that I can tell my own stories. Often, the journal goes unattended for many months or even years when things are more or less normal. But some events, both good and bad, get my brain moving enough that I need to put them into words in order to move on from them.
Maybe that's why I love blogging so much. It gets me to write almost every day. Unfortunately, a lot of things that strike me still can't go here. I don't feel comfortable talking too much about my job. Not because I am likely to get fired for talking about it, but because my company has been in a sensitive place for most of the time I have worked there, and I have a senior managment position. Companies are like families, sometimes, especially small companies, and some things just don't belong out beyond the sphere of the participants.
The same thing is true when it comes to my health or family related issues that are deeply personal. In this case, I have more latitude, clearly, because it's information about me specifically. But sometimes that makes it even harder. How much of myself can I put out there? After 3 years I still don't really have any rules for this. I just sort of go on "what feels right". I've been thinking a lot about how much I am going to say about what's been going on with me since Christmas Day and I've come to the conclusion that while I've told this story in my personal journal, I'm just not ready to tell it here. Perhaps, someday, I will be able to talk about it here. Suffice it to say, it's not all that uncommon a story for many women, and I am fine, physically (as is everyone in the rest of my family), even if there's still some emotional work to go through. No doubt, some of you will guess what happened from that statement and the rest of the post that follows. If so, please don't discuss it in my comments. I'm just not really ready for that, yet, although I'm always open to talking to anyone through email.
But I still feel the urge to put something here, in a public space. What happened to me got me using and thinking about the word "hero" a lot. I used to have a very romantic notion of heros. Knights on horses and that sort of thing. But as I grow older, I realize that heros are a much broader group of people -- there are many more heros in the world than there are horses and shining armor. I guess I still can't really put a Webster's Dictionary definition on what I think a hero is. But my recent experience provides me with some clear examples...
A hero is my mother, who was there for me when I needed her and helped me with things that no mother should ever have to. And who took charge of the situation and organized everything even when it wasn't easy.
A hero is my aunt, who called the ER to let them know we were coming and who stayed at my parents house to make sure that the furry creatures at my parents house were cared for.
A hero is my father, who drove me to the hospital, through the snow, and kept his calm and got us there safely even though his daughter was in crisis in the seat next to him.
A hero is the kind nurse at the Chelesea ER who held my hand and let me know that she and I had shared this experience.
A hero is the ER doctor who recognizes he can't take care of everything and makes sure that the ambulance that has just come in with another patient is comandeered so that I can get to a place that can make sure everything is taken care of correctly.
A hero is the paramedic who bent the rules to let John stay near me on the trip to St. Joes.
A hero is the doctor in the ER at St. Joes who stayed 3 hours past her shift to make sure that I got the care I needed and took the time to make sure that we always understood what she was doing and to give me what I would need to be comfortable once I got home. And who took a few moments to let me know she liked my handknit socks.
Heros are the hostpital technicians who drew my blood and put in my IV's and were always careful and fast -- and who didn't mind me asking for those tiny little butterfly needles.
Heros are the nurses that took care of me and always treated me with respect and dignity, even though some of what they had to do for me wouldn't have been considered very dignified by some.
Heros are my brother and sister-in-law, who travelled to both hospitals and waited for hours in waiting rooms when they could have gone home to my parents house and waited there. There is nothing like knowing that your whole family cares about you.
Heros are my friends -- online and otherwise -- who didn't back away when they heard bad news. Even if they didn't know exactly what to say.
Heros are all of you kind folks who left comments here wishing me well. Those comments mean more than you know.
Finally, my biggest hero is my husband, who never left my side, held my hand through almost everything and who constantly reminds me that my being okay is the most important thing and that there is always hope for the future. He wil always be my knight in shining armor, even if he doesn't have a horse.
Happy New Year, Everyone!
*hug*
hope that you're feeling better.. and hope 2006 brings you all the good things that you deserve.
I'm so happy you have all those heros to help you through difficult times. Take care of yourself. xoxo
Hugs from me too.
It's been awhile since I commented but your story of heros brought tears to my eyes. It really is those unspoken, silent moments where a hero is born. When you least expect it...when you really need it. It's not the grand things that make people a hero...it's the small things and really, I don't think you need to express anything about what happened or is happening to you health-wise...just knowing that you are loved and cared for is enough. Please take care and Happy New Year too.
Yes, I think that 'everyday' part of 'hero' really undermines that the 'everyday heroes' are the best kind.
(delurking to send you good and healthy wishes...)
You and your family are in my thoughts. Please take care!
my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Happy 2006 to you also. I hope that everything that is going on resolves itself in a positive way. {{{{hugs}}}}
So sorry. You are in my thoughts, take care of yourself. Glad you were among heros for this ordeal.
Sending positive vibes in your direction - Hugs
I'm thinking of you and am glad that you are able to process it with all the lovely support you have.
Be well and I hope 2006 answers your fondest wishes!
Thinking of you, praying for you. Take care of yourself... physically and emotionally.
I hope this New Year is better for you and your family! My thoughts are with you.
I'm so glad that you seem to be on the mend. It helps to know that what's done is done, and you can move on to figure out how to deal with what's happened.
Being in a medical situation really makes you think about people who are "meant" to do their jobs. Of course you may run into a couple people who aren't perfectly matched, but that just underlines how great it is to have people who are -- especially when you can't imagine doing some of these things yourself in the best of times.
Best wishes to you and your family. You're so lucky to have good people around you.
{{{Theresa}}}
Thinking of you.
i will continue to hold you and my family in my prayers. (((hugs, hugs, hugs))). and i wish all the very best for you and your hero this year.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, Theresa. I am so very sorry. ::hugs::
I think you have been lucky to have met and realised that you have had so many heros in your path recently. hugs, sending you loving and comforting vibes. hugs,
Sounds like you had a rough time which was made that little bit better from having caring family and strangers around.
Take care and take time to do what you need to do. Hugs.
Theresa - thank you for your moving post about heros - I wish everyone that helped you in your dark moments could read your inspiring words. Please take care of yourself and know many good wishes are coming your way.
Sorry to hear you've been through a rough time. I hope 2006 brings good things for you and your family.
Blessings to you, Theresa.
I'm so sorry for your rough time, but am glad to know that you had some good people taking care of you when you needed it. I hope that 2006 is a better and brighter year for you and your family.
One of the most amazing things is when we go through a very rough time and it can remind us of the good in the world. I'm so glad that while you're going through whatever it is you can still keep your head high and think of the good.
I wish you all the best in this new year - may you heal and may the new year bring you good things!
I've read your blog for a long time and enjoyed it very much. All the best for the new year and I hope you are on the mend soon.
Best wishes,
Chrissy
Delurking to say - you're a bit of a hero yourself. Take care of yourself and allow your family to do the same.
Best wishes for 2006.
Thank you for sharing about your heros. I am glad that you are okay and I hope you continue to heal. Best wishes for a healthy and happy 2006.
cyberhugs from elsewhere in Chicago......hope all is well soon. The future IS full of possibilities...
Thank you for sharing your heroes. It made me think! Take care. Aloha and hugs :)
Glad you had the support around you in a time of need. Take care of yourself!!!
Just . . . sending you hugs. Glad the family is being so supportive, glad to hear that you're physically all right, and glad to hear that you met with so many everyday heros when you needed them. Be well.
Take care. I am thinking of you and sending healing thoughts.
*hugs* and good thoughts for you.
Sounds like you married yourself a good one. Take care.
My thoughts and hugs are coming your way.Its always a blessing when you can take comfort from your family and friends.
**Hugs***
**More hugs**
Best wishes and warm thoughts to you and your family. It is good to hear that you had such wonderful support.
I know it's hard to share too much, but please know that many people in blogland are sending good thoughts your way. Good thoughts to you AND your heros.
*hugs* I have been reading your blog for quite some time now. I just want to let you know I will be keeping you are your family in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so sorry that you had to go through this, especially at the holidays. It may sound preposterous coming from someone that you haven't met, but if you need to talk, I am here for you.
Sending you large baskets of warm thoughts and wishes for the new year. I was so sorry to miss seeing you in Chicago--next time???
x0x0x0x0x0x00x0x
I am so glad that your heros came out in force when you needed them. I'm so sorry you needed them. Thinking of you and your family ....... may 2006 bring you many blessings.
I read alot, but rarely comment, just wanted to send you well wishes for a New Year better than the end of the last.
Much love and virtual hugs! Hang in there!
Heros are people who can look back on their darkest hour and see the blessings that were bestowed on them in their time of need. Heros are people who recognize the warmth and kindness around them and acknowledge it and accept it. Heros are people like you. Hugs and blessings and tears and prayers and good wishes from me to you and all of your heros for a new year.
--Elisabeth
I'm so sorry for the trauma you have experienced recently. I hope all will be well in time and I'm so glad you had such loving family and friends and medical professionals around you to help you through it!
*hugs*
Sending you warm thoughts and good wishes for a happy and healthy New Year.
::hugs::