Grounded on Father's Day
Timing is everything.
I've thought about writing this post three or four times. When I first started to think about putting it together, I was a distinctly unhappy camper. Today, my attitude is significantly changed. Whether that change is due to the passage of time or one of those magical growing up moments that still seem to sneak up on me and metaphorically whack me in the side of the head with a 2 by 4, I'm still not sure. But the net outcome is the right one, so I'll accept it either way.
It all started bright and early Thursday morning at around 10:30 AM (well, this is bright and early relative to me, anyway... I still have a bit more time before the Z baby changes all of that) at my OB appointment. I have to say, I wasn't really looking forward to this appointment all that much, because the OB I was seeing isn't one of my particular favorites (my primary OB is part of a relatively large practice that includes a number of OBs and the idea is to try to meet with them all a couple of times before delivery). She's not bad person or anything, she just doesn't have quite the right manner for me -- she seems to be one of those folks who wants to make sure you understand all the ramifications of everything, and gets a little too focused on the things that could go wrong. Just not quite the right mindset for me. Anyway.
Well, after the weight and blood pressure measurements (just fine), the first thing that happens at this appointment is the usual urinalysis and it appears that they are detecting some sugar that they don't like. So that leads to a blood glucose test (fortunately just one with one of those little meters diabetics use instead of a full on blood draw). It's still a little high (125 mg/dl), but probably inline with the fact that I had breakfast not too long ago, and between the cereal, yogurt, milk and dried cherries, I've probably eaten 25-30% of my daily carb requirement and I really haven't had anything to drink (I forgot my water bottle in my hurry to get to the bus to get to my appointment) or got very much exercise.
I don't think too much about this. After all, I've passed my glucose tolerance test with flying colors, and I figure since I have another OB appointment in 2 weeks, things can be rechecked then and probably everything will be fine. But the OB feels that I need to come back ASAP and have my fasting blood glucose levels measured again. She starts to pressure me about this. Could I come in next week? Do I have a glucose meter at home. And I can feel that little bit of panic rise. Well, I'd prefer not to, I just don't have that much time I can take off of work, I say. She frowns and sort of makes it clear that she doesn't think that that is the right answer.
So next we move on to the fun stuff -- measuring my belly, hearing the heartbeat, feeling the baby's position. The heartbeat is fine, but as she feels around, she frowns again and says This baby is in breech position. Now, this should not bother me. She moves constantly and she was head down when I had my last appointment. And I know that 32 weeks is too early to worry too much about baby orientation yet. But the way she says it has that sound of a warning message. And that raises the fear state just a little bit higher. She also takes this opportunity to make me feel a bit guilty for not fully registering at the hospital and having a pediatrician all picked out. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. There's only one more thing to do, and then I get to part company from Dr. Serious -- my travel check.
Now I almost didn't have them do one. I had one about 10 days ago (because I forgot about this appointment) and everything was fine -- for those of you who might not be familiar with what this is, it's basically the OB checking out your cervix to be sure you're not dilated -- and I hadn't felt anything that made me think this might have changed. No contractions of any kind I could detect. So I wasn't worried she was going to find anything and I was focused on the happy thoughts of getting out the office and on my way to Ann Arbor.
She does the check. She gets a strange look on her face. She checks a bit more. Looks back to me. This isn't your lucky day. I think you're about a centimeter dilated. I'm not going to put you on bed rest, *yet*, but I don't think you should travel.
But I was really hoping to go to Ann Arbor this weekend for Father's Day. And I haven't felt anything that feels like regular contractions. Is it really going to be a problem for me?
You're an adult, I can't tell you what to do. But I want you to come in first thin on Monday morning and be re-checked. And you can have your blood glucose checked at the same time.
And what happens then?
Well, possibly bed rest. Possibly hospitalization and steroid treatments.
By now I am beside myself. My mind is racing. I don't know very much about this stage of things, but I do know that I want Baby Z to stay put for a bit longer. Supposedly to get dilated I had to have contractions, but I haven't felt any contractions and a lot of the baby's motions are those big pushing on the uterus motions now. Could I be having contractions and not know about it? Bed rest? I'm not prepared for that. Hospitalization? Are there no "take it easy and we'll monitor the situation options"? Suddenly the issues with the blood sugar and the breech positioning combine with this to freak me out completely. And I start feeling like I haven't even had the baby yet and already I'm being a bad mother. My sugar is too high, she's not in the right position and I'm too inexperienced to know what a contraction is. The doctor leaves to take care of my paperwork and make sure I can get an appointment at short notice. I get dressed and continue to alternate between panic, frustration and being depressed.
About the only thing that rescued some of this morning was running into my primary OB as I was on my way out. She still told me she probably wouldn't travel, but also made comments to the effect that "a lot of women hold out okay" and "once you get a couple of weeks farther, we get a little less concerned". Not overwhelmingly re-assuring but better than "hospitalization and steroids".
So I head back home, get on the bus, hardly remember the ride and get home before breaking down completely while talking to John on the phone. I'm conjuring up all sorts of terrible things in my head. John, sweetheart that he is, offers to come home and work from home, and we both decide that maybe it's best to stay in Chicago.
Enter a close friend and the Internet. As I start to google my situation, I start to realize that a lot of women dilate and don't immediately go into labor. A good friend who just had a baby and also is a physician tells me that the first time they did this check at 36 weeks, she was 3 to 4 cm dilated and she delivered just past her due date and she had never felt any contractions up to that point either. She and my mom supply me with a few more examples of people who walked around dealing with the same thing and delivered when they were supposed to. I spend most of the rest of the afternoon with my feet up on the couch, feeling the Z Baby move and trying to determine if there are some motions that aren't really fetal motions but contractions. Nothing. But I do feel closer to my baby, get in a good nap and discover hat my feet aren't their usual level of swollen. So that all seems to be good. And I don't feel so panicked. But I still feel a little depressed about being in Chicago. I almost put this post together, but decide against it. I just feel too whiny.
The depression starts to subside by Friday morning, and I go to work, but the anger starts to set in. Now I'm completely torqued at this doctor. Torqued that she created such fear in me. Torqued at the insinuations that I'm not doing this gestating thing correctly. Torqued that I'm at work instead of enjoying a vacation day with my parents. And, of course, I'm still not feeling anything that even remotely smacks of what I've read of pre-term labor -- not that I want to, mind you, it's just that clearly the sky is not falling and it probably wouldn't have been a problem to travel. After a nice dinner out with John at our favorite brew pub I'm feeling a bit mellower, and think about putting a post together again. But I just can't get the bitter feelings to completely go away. My baby has been happy and active all day long. I hug my belly, decide I just don't have the energy to be bitter in electronic print, and enjoy some more time with my feet up.
With the start of the weekend and a good night's sleep (and a lot of helpful email dialog from my friend) I start to get some perspective and start to think about things. John and I have a couple of very nice days to do whatever we feel like because we didn't really have anything planned. I do some quilting and some knitting and some reading and even watch some TV. John gets set up for his first all grain mash brew. We pick up the Z Baby's crib. And through it all I'm taking it pretty easy, feeling for any sign of the Z Baby's possible early departure (and finding none) and being amazed by the fact that in spite of the heat I can see my ankle bones and the sciatica that has been bothering me is almost non-existent.
I even start to give Dr. Serious the benefit of the doubt.... I don't have to like her, or how she delivers information, but given all the problems OB's face these days with malpractice, I can sort of understand where she might be coming from. If something was really wrong, I wouldn't have been allowed to leave the doctor's office without any real restrictions besides staying away from travel and heavy labor. She's probably forced to do a lot of CYA maneuvers. Luckily, I don't have any more appointments scheduled with her. And I'm praying she won't be the one in the hospital when it comes time for me to deliver.
And after a weekend of close personal uterine monitoring, I've come to the conclusion that no matter how good the doctor, no one spends more time in my body with my baby than me. All my instincts right now tell me that everything is good. My baby is active and while I get a little fatigued, I feel incredibly good. I've been through one round where everything is clearly not good. I know what "not good" feels like. While I have no intention of ignoring a doctor's well considered and experienced advice, I also need to trust myself as well. No two pregnancy experiences and no two women are the same.
I have to admit, me being me, I still feel that I'm being a bit screwed by the system... if I hadn't had a travel check no one would have done this until 36 weeks and then if I was dilated, it wouldn't bother anyone unless I actually started to feel my uterus getting ready to hunker down and get serious. Better safe than sorry is probably a good mantra for me at this point, and clearly there is a more important goal here than simply being right, since a small, growing person is depending on me to take good care of her and give her the best possible start I can. I'll have my check early Monday morning, talk through some more things with a different doctor (one whom I like better) and try not worry too much unless there's something to really worry about. I'll be a good pregnant woman and stay close to home, try to put my feet up and take it easy while I look forward to meeting my daughter. Surely if there are no signs of impending labor, no one is going to tie me down to my couch. And, in the end, it is my choice. The doctor is right. I am an adult. I do get some voice in the decision making.
I called my dad Sunday night to wish him a happy Father's Day. I was sitting in the rocking chair he made me, which is now sitting in the nursery. It seemed like the right place to be. He told me a couple of times how much he's looking forward to the baby and how good he feels about me becoming a mom. That he thinks I'm going to be a good mom and the fact that I decided to stay in Chicago this weekend is just more evidence of how much I care about my baby. Mom's just aren't like regular people he tells me they're special. They know they have to focus on something else. You're being a good mom.
I love you, Dad. Only you could help me put it all together so simply and help me feel better at ease at the same time. I call you on Father's Day and you give me a special gift.
It was at this point that I felt good. And I decided to sit down in front of my computer, and tell another story.
Oh Theresa... the things doctors put pregnant women through... Trust your body Theresa. Putting up your feet and being kind to yourself now is a very good idea. And don't worry about that tiny bit of dilation. Think of it as a cm you get for free later on.
Hi! This kind of doctor browbeating makes me crazy. Remember to factor in that women have been having babies for centuries and proceeding with their daily lives on just the evidence their bodies give them. Do you feel good? Go! Do!
I had my babies in the early 80s and the "travel check" you've mentioned is a new one on me. The only advice I remember was to "stay off of rollercoasters" and "avoid flying in your last trimester"!
I'm glad you have a friend who knows what's normal during pregnancy and a family that supports you. I cringe every time I hear doctors take advantage of women like your doctor did.
FWIW a blood glucose test this late in pregnancy is pretty much worthless, yes, it'll tell you if you have gestational diabetes, but it'll set you up with more problems than it's worth. If you want you can search google groups misc.kids.pregnancy where late Glucose Tolerance tests were discussed a few weeks back. There are a lot of very knowledgeable women on that group and I haven't once received bad advice there. Not during this pregnancy, not during my last.
btw: I'm glad I'm not the only one with water retention in her feet ;-) Never had it with my first.
Also: Head down at 32 weeks is like head down at two weeks. Not worth knowing really. I know my baby's still got plenty of room to make weird moves and I know she's not head down right now even though she was a week ago at the last ultrasound.
contractions: I'm having plenty this time around, never felt a single one with my first until labor. They feel kind of weird, like baby's doing a strange move, and the belly goes really hard (unpokeable, so to speak). Totally normal, nothing to worry about. Same with dilating. You're 32 weeks, not 15 weeks. And no, baby won't just miraculously fall out while you're going grocery shopping, which is what some doctors make it sound like. If having a baby could be that easy I think more women would be doing it that way ;-)
UGH!
Now, that said. Sweet Baby Niece was breech and they knew it going in and she never turned and planned as a C section. That said. No contractions, nothing, SBN decided to come 4 weeks early via "hi, my water just broke...no contractions yet". It happens. She is perfect and healthy. When your body is ready it starts preparing. I have a lot of friends having babies right now and they all start to dialate well before the due date. The body doesn't just go from 0 to 10 when the contractions start.
Doom and gloom docs annoy me. I have lupus so whenever I hear stoies of doom and gloom I just want to smack someone around. This should be like the happiest time of your lives and you shouldn't have to deal with Ms. ALLHELLISBREAKINGLOOSE!!!!
I'm so glad to hear that now you feel good. Keep on trusting yourself in knowing what's good for you and the baby!
Your dad sounds like a really great guy. There's almost something bittersweet about your dad fathering you as an adult on father's day while you contemplate what being an adult is. *ponders*
Though I haven't worked at it for ten years and was in a diferent specialty, I'm a nurse and this kind of interaction leaves me very divided in my feelings.
First, I think about the very real reasons that pregnancy and birth were the number one causes of death in women for hundreds of years and how far from that we are now because of our precautions and treatments.
Then I think about how many doctors we need versus how many we have, and how difficult it is to assess for things like bedside mannner. I contemplate how important correct assessment and caution are in contrast to needlessly scaring the bejeezus out of your patient and making worse a situation that could already be bad or one that should be very happy.
Then I think of the few doctors I worked with who were smart enough, driven enough, and cared enough to be a really good doctor, and I'm amazed that there are actually as many as there are.
And I think about how many mothers there are who actually care enough, have good enough instincts, and who will take the extra precautions and do the extra work, and I'm equally amazed.
And then there are the fathers. You definitely got a good one.
I'm happy to feel you reached a good spot and found the equlibrium point in this difficult balance. I really hope you don't have to go through more high-stress issues before you deliver. I hope everyone is as cautious as need be and not much more.
And, most of all, I hope you have a lovely experience and a very healthy, happy baby.
Oh, and may you get some knitting done somewhere in there, too.
It is natural to worry, especially when it is your first baby and you have nothing to compare with. It does sound as if your doctor was being over causious - what we would call a jobsworth :-), but I'm sure she only had you and your baby's best interests at heart - you can never tell what other sorts of mums to be she has already had to deal with - they may not all have been as conciencious as you :-) Put your feet up and enjoy the peace - while you still have some!
This kind of stuff was exactly why I decided to go to a nurse-midwife practice when I finally got pregnant after six years of trying.
My advice on glucose tests: When they made me drink icky sweet stuff (which I would never have drunk more than a spoonful of on my own), I noticed the instructions said it was fine to eat other foods, so I ate something high-protein and low on the glycemic scale after drinking it. (Okay, I ate some great Polish kielbasa from Lewandoski's.)
One of the midwives told me, "Dilation really doesn't tell us much until you are actually in labor." Some women dilate a lot in advance, some don't start to dilate until labor actually starts.
When I showed up at the hospital in labor, the OB nurse said I was fully dilated. I had declined to be checked at my prenatal the day before. :) Who knows how dilated I was then?
I think the way you handled this situation shows you have two qualities that I've discovered have been very helpful in this whole parenting adventure - the ability to make the best of an unplanned and possibly emotionally challenging situation and to learn from such a situation, both about yourself and about the world.
I think those skills are going to be an asset to you and your child. They've helped me to be not necessarily a great mom at every possible moment, but to be a better mom every day.
I very much enjoy your blog and look forward to vicariously taking part of your own mother adventure!
I'm so sorry you had that kind of doctor. Not what you need in your situation. :( My son is 11. He was born only 6 days before my due date. I was dialated to 2 centimeteres for 3 months before he was born. He was effaced (i prolly didn't spell that right...) in -1 position for 2 months. You are getting close. Don't get stressed now. :)
I remember wondering if I was having contractions, when they actually start you won't wonder, you'll know.
Women used to work hard through their pregnancies & my docs always told me that I could do anything I did on a regular basis through my pregnancies, I drove the neighbour nuts when I shovelled the laneway.
As long as you feel well, keep doing it will make labour easier.
Baby position changes constantly, my middle son changed in the middle of labour, so don't sweat it, it's the first thing they'll check when you're in labour & they can get babies to turn themselves around if they need to.
Always trust yourself first - after two pregnancies, both with their own 'adventures', and after putting my faith in the medical profession for the first, and going with my gut for the second, I can tell you that you are absolutely right in feeling that no one knows your baby like you do - so stay calm, cool and collected, listen to yourself first, and trust that you already have the instincts of a wonderful mother...
I had a doctor like that at the practice I went to, too. Except he was male, and also thought he was God's gift to women. Being a rather large person to start with, and having quit smoking after finding out I was pregnant, I was in about the middle of my second trimester when he said something to the effect of "You really shouldn't gain any more weight." And with the raging hormones and everything, that upset me to the point where I nearly started smoking again. But I didn't. The next time I saw him (fortunately I only saw him twice) he made me so mad I wanted to punch his lights out. Fortunately, the doctor attending the birth of my son was the one I liked. The one that attended me in the hospital during and after the decision was made for a c-section was a lady doctor who gave me some good tips on how to keep the incision dry, and while she wasn't my favorite, she didn't make me want to punch her out, either.
Of course, if I had wound up with Dr. God's Gift, I think I would have told them that I wanted a different doctor, and if he wouldn't leave, would have had my husband throw him out. Keep in mind that you can do that too, if she irritates you enough.
Once again, I'm reminded that women often know their bodies better than some M.D. who did 10 years training. On someone else's body!
And your dad was right, you know!
I'm so sorry you had all that fear and worry! But I'm glad you've come to peace with it. As disappointed as you were, your dad was probably glad you stayed home. Your HIS baby. He wants you to be safe.
As far as feeling like a bad mother, I'll tell you this little tidbit. As you know, we didn't implant our embryos at our first IVF. For two and a half years I've felt like a failure as a mother - and I didn't even get that far. You know what my sister, who has three kids, told me? GOOD! Feel like a failure now. Get it out of the way early. ;-)
You're already a great mom. I don't think you have anything to worry about that.
hugs to you. It sounds like you have an awesome dad. I hear you on the doctors-with-lack-of-bedside manners thing, I've had a few of my own and there are few things worse than having someone make you feel that you or your body are inadequate. As you said, when you start to think about things from their perspective, they make more sense, even if the encounters are still unpleasant.
I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your take on pregnancy-- I've long read the blog for the knitting and crafts, but as someone starting to think about all of these issues, it really means a lot to me to read of your mental processes and ambivalences and figurings-out, which are so real rather than saccharine or romanticized [while still so warm and caring!]
i'm so glad that your weekend was relaxing and that you got some good family time in as well! i can't tell you how helpful and wonderful it is to hear about your stories regarding baby Z. I don't hear about these things anywhere else! It's extremely helpful and i just wanted to let you know that you are one strong woman with a great family! :o) that conversation with your dad...i'd say that is just about the most wonderful thing he could have said!!!
p.s. love the baby sweater--can't wait to see it finished! :o)
Your dad's comment made me all teary-eyed. What a great father.
Try not to panic. I know it's really hard, but babies are so much stronger than people think. My last son, while he was in untero, endured my near-death, including two major abdominal surgeries, nearly bleeding-out, massive amounts of all sorts of narcotics, antibiotics, and god-only-knows-what-else, weeks in the hospital, three months of contractions every five minutes, and my malnourishment and severe anemia. And he came out healthy and strong, with no problems at all. He's seven now, and not only is he not brain-damaged or physically handicapped (as the doctors thought he would be), he's the smartest and strongest kid in his class.
Your body knows what to do for your baby. Trust it, and have faith that your baby will be just fine.
I'm so sorry you had that bad experience. There is a fine line between being cautious and being a worry-wart (and scaring the pants off someone). That doctor may have been sued in the past (because in this country, anytime there's a problem with baby or delivery, it's regarded as the doctor's fault) and that can really make some people practice 'defensively' which ultimately does not mean better care, just more cost and worry. I'm glad you'll be seeing those you can relate to better from here on out.
BTW, unsolicited medical opinion from an OB/GYN -- if someone passes their 1 hour glucose test, I don't worry about 'spilling' a bit of glucose in the urine; pregnant women's kidneys are more 'leaky' and let glucose through more easily. In the 'old days' (when my mother was pregnant!), checking urine was the only way to diagnose gestational diabetes, but the blood test is much more accurate. And yes, you're absolutely right; baby Z has plenty of time to turn head down; until Z is bigger, there is no constraint to make the baby fit better head down, but when room starts to get a little tight, 95% of the time that results in a head-down baby. You have an active one there, and Z can be any way Z wants to be right now!
And, yes, if you weren't feeling hard tightenings of your whole belly during all your weekend baby time, (at least 4 - 6 per hour, because having some are normal), you are not experiencing preterm labor. It's still worth being aware of more tightenings if they happen, but some women seem to have softer cervixes that start to open without contractions -- but it still takes contractions to have a baby at this point in pregnancy! That just may mean shorter labor when you get there, and nothing wrong with that!
My thoughts are with you -- all 3 of you -- hang in there, continue to ENJOY this time where baby is safe and happy inside, keep your feet up whenever possible in this hot muggy weather, and know that your father is absolutely right! What a Father's Day gift he gave you!
Cathy (from Wisconsin)
Just wanted to add my good wishes to the others. Baby Z is so blessed in the family she has. Just think about this time next year, when Z will be able to travel with you to visit your father for father's day.
The doctor sounds like a pain, but she is doing all she can think of to make sure that Z's arrival is a safe one, so you both have that goal in common, even if you would pursue it in very different ways.
Hugs to all of you.
Easier said than done, but don't worry. :) My daughter was 3 weeks early (at a healthy 6 lb. 6 oz). My cervix had started thinning at my appointment a week before, but my doctor didn't worry about it. My water broke at 10 on a Friday night and LouLa was born at 9:30 Saturday morning. I didn't start feeling the contractions until about 3 in the morning. Everyone is different and you could go weeks being slightly dilated without having contractions.
I love all of the things you are making for her. I wish I had been knitting before my daughter was born; there are so many cute baby things.
First, you're going to be a great mother (you already are)! Second, all this worry means you are in the right place about the baby. You're doing all the right things.
Third, you can definitely start to dilate without contractions. Happens all the time. The body is preparing for labor, no doubt. You're right that if there was something really worrisome, they would put you on bed rest. Which is no fun (ask me how I know).
Be extra careful about staying hydrated, though. Dehydration can cause contractions. And try to relax!
You are blessed to have at least two great men in your life: your special dad and your loving husband. Everything's gonna be alright.
My mom keeps reminding me that, even though I live on my own now, she will continue to parent me as long as she's around -- in a positive, healthy way. Your dad is doing the same thing. That's wonderful. And a great example.
But I'm mostly delurking to say that I have tremendously enjoyed reading about your pregnancy adventure. It makes me happy and sometimes more than a bit weepy. I'm years away from being ready to bear children, but your posts remind me that it's something I want to do some day.
Your experience with sweater knitting also convinced me to knit for a friend in a very similar pregnancy situation (a few miscarriages, fertility difficulties, but finally a success).
Anyway, it's Monday morning and I'm emotional, and your post added to that. Good for you for being able to read your body, and my best thoughts are with you for Z Baby.
That's OK, Theresa ... I'm over here in Maryland feeling the same way. I have protein levels that they don't like (though no high BP or major swelling) and I have been seeing Dr. Serious through it all. I'm with you -- while I don't discount what they are saying, I know this little guy better than anyone and he's bumping around and kicking in there like mad. I'm trying not to get too stressed until I have to...
(((hugs)))
I wonder if your office has the same Dr. Serious mine had. I had similar issues, the baby was breech at around 32 weeks and she started talking about c-sections and inducing me and blah blah blah. Also told me my size was all wrong and just had me in a panic! This was my third baby mind you - I didn't think 32 weeks was an issue to still be breach. I came home, went into full blown panic mode, started laying upside down, etc, and just freaking out.
And then I called them back to ask if I should be worried or not. I came back in - the baby wasn't even breech. All that for nothing.
I actually did request that I not see her again. She had me feeling panicky and worried for nothing. I even told my dh if she was the one who had to deliver me I didn't think I could handle that. Thankfully she wasn't and I just went back for my yearly and saw she left their practice ....
I have to say, I know they have to protect themselves against lawsuits, but they also have to stay level-headed for their clients and no need to freak out over things that aren't even that troublesome IMO.
(((hugs))) Sorry you had to stay home and I hope your appointment today is a good one.
I've had 4 pregnancies (3 babies) and have never heard of a 'travel check'. Were you flying to Ann Arbor? It's not really that far, is it? I routinely travelled 4 hours to see my parents in my later stages (and I'd rather be in a vehicle on a freeway and go into labour than in a plane).
In fact, in my last two pregnancies, my doctor never did any internal exams until I was in labour. They really don't give any good indication if you are going to deliver prematurely. I think there is a blood test that is fairly new that is a better indicator. You certainly don't need to have an internal unless you have risk factors for early labour.
And, yeah, you can dialate without contractions!
And you're right, the OB is doing CYA stuff. But the diabetes issue? Take that seriously. Just cause you passed the one test does not mean you are free and clear for the rest of the pregnancy. It may just be because of what/when you ate, but when it comes to GD it doesn't end when you give birth, the risk is then lifelong.
I really don't like OBs. They are trained in pregnancy complications. Other than getting pregnant, and a miscarriage (and failing the glucose test awhile ago which is so common), it doesn't sound like this is a complicated pregnancy at all.
Oh, and there are LOTS of things that can be done to encourage a breech baby to turn on her own, as well as the external version the doc. can do.
Have faith in your body! Birth only became medicalized in the past 150 years. And even though the US is one of the most medicalized countries, the outcomes (maternal and neo-natal) are shockingly bad. Modern medicine has screwed up so many normal births. It has it's place for non-normal births (about 5-10% of births, not the 30-50% that end up with C-sections), but women have had their collective conscious of a normal, empowering birth ripped away from them with no real return in benefits.
But, I think most patients would much rather she had covered her ass then be surprised at delivery with a 10lb GD baby!
I ran into a Dr. Serious while pregnant. During a regular check, she got me completely anxious by suggesting that the bump was growing too quickly which might indicate a birth defect, then scheduled an ultrasound for 2 weeks out. Not the most pleasant 2 weeks of my life, I can tell you.
The good news: Baby was absolutely fine. I didn't have faith in Dr. Serious after what I felt was callous treatment, so I told my Doc that I did not want Dr. Serious delivering. It was entered in my chart and fully respected. Prayer is good, but you might think about doing this as well.
And ya' know? You CAN post bitter posts, just to get it all out. I'm glad you worked through things and have regained perspective.
I admire your ability to listen to your body despite the fear-based messages you were getting. Funny how some caregivers have the ability to be serious and reassuring while others are serious and unsettling. Sorry your most recent experience was with the latter.
Some doctors just don't have great bedside manner...which is too bad, but at least Dr. Serious has good intentions. In the end, I thought the most important thing was having a good relationship with the nurses while I was in labor, because that's when I was the most nervous, and it's really the nurses taking care of you at that point. Mine were all nice -- I'm sure brigning a box of cream puffs to the nursing station didn't hurt. :) You're doing great, just a few more weeks to go!
Bah! When my best friend had her daughter (almost 18 months ago now, doesn't seem like it's been that long!) she was 1.5 cm dilated at 32 weeks, and no one told her anything. She was 2 cm at 36 weeks and they told her, any day now, and you need to stop working. She went to the superbowl in the meantime (200 miles away), and still worked (as a restaurant manager, so on her feet 50 hrs week) until about 40 weeks. At about 40 weeks + 2 days and 3cm they told her they were going to induce her on Monday (5 days) if she hadn't gone into labor yet. She had the baby 2 days before they would have induced her.
After they told her that she was dilated 2 cm at 36 weeks, I told my mom, "Any day now!" and she said, "yeah right, I was dilated 2 cm for THREE MONTHS with both of you kids! That doesn't mean anything."
So there are two more stories to add to your arsenal. Your body will tell you best what's right and wrong, and it seems to me that you're excellent at this mothering thing, so far.
Good luck!!!!
I do think that what feels right to you is the most important thing. I'm glad you aren't letting Dr. Serious get you down.
Modern medicine is wonderful when we are in acute distress, BUT this to me is an example of the over-medicalization of pregnancy. My babies are now 18 and 16 and I too have never heard of a "travel check." As my teenaged children continue to remind me, there is such a thing as too much protectiveness and caution. (Of course, I'd like to see a happy medium between their threshold and mine!) :-) hang in there...you are in for a great and sometimes scary world of parenting!
I, too, am dealing with a Dr. Serious and am about to leave her (rather large) practice for a nurse-midwifery practice. At 24 weeks I had gained 16 pounds and she scared the $#@% out of me with talk of gestational diabetes (without even performing the glucose challenge!). When asked what I could possibly do she talked immediately about injectible insulin. Not diet, not exercise, just straight to the super-medicated option. Besides the fact that she made me feel like *I* had done this to my baby by eating crappily (which I really really don't). I came home despondent and cried for 2 days, only to look up that you can't *cause* gestational diabetes by being overweight or eating "too many" carbs; it's a condition that just *is*.
All that to say it's now a month later and I have actually LOST 2 pounds. Everything is fine and dandy and I should have listened to my body in the first place. So hang in there and just keep remembering that you've lived in your body for far longer than the doc!
Pregnancy and motherhood are roller coaster rides. Unfortunately you'll have to deal with the insensitivities of bad doctors, teachers, daycare personnel, other mothers, etc as time progresses. I had gestational diabetes and managed it just fine, so don't worry if they put you on a special diet. It will only last the time you are pregnant and your body will get back to normal as soon as the baby is born.
All will be well. You will see.
Yeah Dad! He said the right thing at the right time. And it sounds like a little rest did you some good.
One of the harder things to realize is that you just can't do as much when you're pregnant and after the baby is born. I took longer to recover from my first than I should have because I tried to do too much too soon.
I'm glad you had a good weekend enjoying your baby and listening to your body.
I find it particularily frustrating when *female* doctors have become, well, so indoctrinated in the medicalization of pregnancy and childbirth. This is why I despise several very popular and recommended books (one of which my insurance company even sent to me!!) While not flying was most likely the prudent, CYA move, I was walking around 3 cm dilated for at least 3 weeks before my son was born...17 days late, might I add.
Why did they *let* me go so long, you ask? Because I had a midwife and planned a homebirth, and my nonstress test said he was fine. While he was born in a hospital, for which I am grateful it was available when I needed it, I spent all my labor save the last 30 minutes in the comfort of my own home, surrounded by people of my choosing, and I called all the shots.
Pregnancy is a big pain in the ass. Someone is ALWAYS going to tell you are doing something wrong, no matter what you do. You have to trust yourself. And when the baby is on the outside, it will be more of the same.
Having said that, be easy with your decision. Do not beat yourself up for not getting out of town. Traveling and having something bad happen is no Father's Day present for your dad! He can celebrate father's day again when the baby is born.
At least you felt like getting out of bed. I hated doing everything (including, it seems, breathing) when I was pregnant. So your mental state must be good if you want to get around.
We are all cheering for you!
What a wonderful dad you have!
Sounds like baby Z is gonna have a fabulous grandpa! Glad you're feeling better :)