Today is Z's "official" due date. Somehow, I never thought we would actually reach this date with her. John arrived 4 weeks ahead of schedule and apparently I put in my appearance a few weeks early as well. Of course, I never thought I would have a 3 and a half week old baby by the time I reached my due date, either. It's one of those days that gets a new mom thinking... about what is, and what might have been and what is coming.
For instance, my technically (by a few days) "pre-mature" baby is just over 8 lbs today. When I hold her, I try to imagine what it would be like if I were still pregnant and awaiting her arrival. I thought I was large at 36 weeks. How big would I have gotten if we had made it to today? It's hard to imagine that she could weigh that much and fit inside me! What would it have been like to push out such a big baby? What would it feel like to still be pregnant and waiting for her to arrive.
I now live my life in 3-4 hr chunks during naps between feedings. All events occur relative to feeding and naps. The concept of scheduling has become a relatively nebulous one. Unless you count charting her sleep patterns, nursing habits and evacuatory behavior. I spend time thinking about things like nipple confusion and nursing-compatible clothing and trying to figure out just how much milk a baby her age needs at each feeding. And, I spend a lot of time wondering when John and I will get to go out on our usual Wednesday date without our tiny third wheel.
I have now entered a phase where I think 6 hours of sleep constitutes a full night, but will settle for a block of 4 hours. I wonder how it is that she can be so active at night and then want to do nothing but sleep during the day. I am surprised by how consistent this pattern is with how she was when she was in utero. I marvel at how she can go from peaceful sleeping angel to screaming demon baby in less time than it takes me to go downstairs for a glass of water. And I am less than thrilled with my own low level of patience for when she enters melt-down mode. And very glad that her father is here to help bolster my reserves.
I never get tired of seeing her snuggling up to her Dad. I am constantly surprised by how much she changes and how each new day seems to bring something new. Simple actions are simply remarkable. Watching her hold her head up and try to look me in the eye, seeing how hard she works to rotate her head from side to side when she gets some tummy time. Seeing her look up at me and smile or try to look around and figure out where the music is coming from. One day it's not possible and then the next day it's old hat.
I've become fascinated by human development. The evolution and transformation of both the parents and the baby. And I'm surprised at my heart. It's as if having a baby opened up a door there that I never knew existed. In spite of all the lifestyle changes and lack of sleep, I can't help but look at her and feel an outpouring of love and happy emotion that I never knew I was keeping in reserve. She has made my world a brighter place, simply by coming into being.
Happy Due Date, Z!
Today is my bday and I was a premature baby (I was due to be born in October). So, it's great to see your beautiful baby girl on my bday and to know she was also ahead of her time...:)
Your words are just wonderful. They express perfectly the mysterious change from "being a person" to "being a parent". It's an old phrase, but you don't know how it's gonna be like before you been there yourself.
Both of my children just loved sleeping on daddys tummy. For some time it was the only chance to get some good hours of sleep for me. And daddy is so sorry, they are just too large for still sleeping there - begin 4 and 6 years old and between 3 and 4 ft. long.
Enjoy this time. It's so great and it will never be the same again - although the time ahead is great, too. But having a baby is something very, very special.
It was lovely to read this post of yours - like so many times before.
Your words are so special. It make me all teary eyed. I can't wait to feel like that with my little bean. I feel my tummy and am amazed that we as woman have this wonderous opportunity to grow a whole new life in our bodies. It is awesome! congratulations on you little one!
Hannah had her days and nights mixed up for a while, too. The doctor told me I had to wake her up during the day to get her on the right track. That went against everything I had ever been taught! But she got it turned around eventually and by about 6 weeks things were pretty good.
What a wonderful reflection on being a new mom. It's not easy, but oh so worth it!
Isn't it great? There were certainly times in the middle of the night when I was ready to quit this whole mom thing. Other times our son would lift his little head and smile, *sigh*.
Congratulations to you, John, and Z! You're learning all the things about parenthood that you can't get in books or even from other parents; they can only be learned firsthand. Enjoy; it just keeps getting better!
so cute on daddys chest, awe
Aww....
I think you worry about them less when they are born as a big baby. Mine were 9 1/2 and 10 lbs respectively. They seem to have extra reserves so you don't worry about feeding so much. But I was heartily tired of carrying them, since both went over due by 14 and 10 days respectively.
Being a parent is the most profound learning, growing, and loving experience I have ever had.
That is the sweetest picture of Baby Z and her Dad.
Isn't it amazing what the human body is capable of?? I was pregnant at the same time as you and our babies are about the same age now. The best part of the whole thing is that with each baby, it just gets easier and easier. Congrats!!
Geez, you leave town for three weeks and look what happens!
Am just now catching up with the news from the blogosphere after an extended vacation.
Of all the beautiful work on all the websites, yours is the best. Hands down. No need for modification.
Congratulations & baby blessings!
is it not amazing how quickly they become the thing that you gravitate around and to? the life before seems like a flicker, i still watch my boys (4 weeks early too) and wonder at the fact that they went from such tiny wee things to almost four month old babies. hang in there, the feed/nap thing sticks around for awhile but they make it all worth it.
oh, i was going to recommend you pick up the book, what's going on in there? by lise eliot. if you have a bit of time to read, anyway. it is all about baby brain development from 0-5 and it is a great read.
Kids sure are amazing, huh? And each stage has its own special joys (and challenges!-thankfully these change so you don't go crazy). You're doing really well if you're getting 4 hour blocks of sleep! Did I tell you the 'step-pause-pat-grunt' method to calm the screeming demon baby? Read it someplace and it worked just about every time, esp. when other things didn't. Something about the predictable repetitive thing, the movement (big swaying dancy steps), the pat helps for physical contact, predictability, etc, and the grunt resonates between you and the baby, something like sounds in utero (I think). Give it a whirl! (I also used to sing Rosalie Sorrell's hostile baby rocking song, he liked it without knowing what I was saying and it sometimes made me feel better!) Here's link to lyrics, (no w's) sniff.numachi.com/pages/tiHOSBABY.html
Awww. I'm glad to see she's doing so well! Definitely one photogenic baby!
OMG... Baby feet! I LOVE baby feet.... She's gorgeous.
Hi Theresa,
Congratulations on becoming a MOM!
My preemie baby leaves next Saturday for college so I've been hanging out in the nostalgia room these last couple of days.
I'm an "old" ICU nurse and was fairly confident about my feeding capability when breastfeeding; however when I had my doubts I would fall back on what I know- ie if the wet diapers are coming regularly and the skin turgor is good (you pinch some up and it snaps back to normal immediately) the baby is NOT dehydrated and therefore getting enough. Actually, one of the beauties of breastfeeding is the fact you CAN'T measure intake and therefore don't get wrapped-around-the-axle about numbers. And as long as you are eating enough good food and drinking plenty of water AND the baby is nursing regularly, you will make all the milk Z needs. (Remember it's pure supply and demand.) Blessings to all three of you!
She's growing and growing, and I'm glad to hear you're doing well. Those meltdowns are not necessarily something I'm looking forward to -- we used to always have them in the "rush hour" ... you know, that interval that has dinner cooking, daddy coming home, etc. ... my own stress used to set the boys off like grenades. In fact, it still does -- the chaos of hungry boys, school pick-ups, realizing nothing is thawed for dinner and a dog with a full bladder can be mayhem (see, things like this don't go away, they just change, LOL). Just find something to giggle about and remember that right now you aren't going to find her sitting in the den closet with your Oreo cookies sulking before dinner (like the Yarn Sniffer does, LOL)
The what ifs are endless. Expectations are best kept few, far between, and minimal.
There's a proverb something to the effect that it isn't all that amazing that adults produce children, but it IS amazing that children make adults out of their parents. The patience will come. You've got YEARS to work on it! Best wishes.
Aw, she's adorable. Think of the early arrival as bonus time - like in a video game...
Such a nice picture of John and Baby Z! And I just want to eat her toes....
There is very little so sweet as a daddy cuddling with his baby.
Aw... I'm really enjoying reading your reflections on how things have changed with Z. (It's interesting to see "the other side" of a fiber personality.)
Enjoy it all.
I love reading your stories about baby Z. Its so wonderful and normal at the same time. Happy mommyhood.
And the amazing thing is...the love has just begun. It may be hard to believe, but you will actually love her more and more each day that you spend together. :)
What a sweet and beautiful baby!!!
Great pictures. Aren't these first few weeks amazing?? They change on a weekly basis during the first year. I feel like a scientist some days trying to figure out what is new!!My son was overdue so be glad she came early!! 8lbs plus the other fat is NOT comfy!!!
I'm hoping this one comes a little early!!!