My Baby is A Death-Defying Rebel

I've got one of those little rebels too. Gloria declared at just weeks old that she was going to sleep on her side. She'd fidgit and sleep poorly if we tried to make her sleep on her back, so for everyone's sake we said the hell with it and just let her be. She's also demanded a blanket since she was about four months old, so clearly she has no regard for other people's rules.

At a year old, none of that has changed. I shudder to think of the teenage years.

Following your own instincts about what is right for your baby and you, rather than rules - sounds like great parenting to me :-)

I'm glad I'm not the only one allowing some tummy sleeping! The fact I was most surprised to find was that the correlation with tummy-sleeping and SIDS disappears as soon as the baby is able to roll on their own. They don't publicize that as much, do they?

My son (3 1/2 now) used to sleep on his stomach all the time as a baby. He started doing it especially when he could roll himself over which made me worry less. I always would put him down to sleep on his back, but he's end up sleeping like this.

The risk of SIDS is highest when babies are unattended (at night) and also when they can't roll over on their own. It's OK for Z to sleep like that when you're right there with her. And once she can roll over, you can be sure that she'll be sleeping like that at night, too. The risk for SIDS drops a lot after 6 months (the age that the vast majority of babies can roll over by).

Oh and if I haven't said it before, your daughter is beautiful. :)

As a NICU nurse and soon to be Mom, dillemas occur. No the APA says no tummy sleeping. There are positioning aides for side sleepers but for those who want to sleep on their tummies, so outta luck. However, in the NICU, almost every baby is on their bellies is medically able. They feel more secure and closest to how it was in utero. Most of our bigger babies are also covered with a loose blanket when in a crib. What's the diffrence? Our wee wads are on monitors so if something should happen, we know instantly. Which is why you shouldn't do the belly thing at night until little Zosia can flip herself. But during the day when you can be her "monitor" by all means let her on her tummy. In fact they reccomend tummy time for proper development.
Every baby is different. As long as you are doing your best and what's best for your own child, the rest of the world can stick it!
Good luck!

good girl. As a Mom you have to know what is best for your baby. I did the same thing with both my boys, they like tummy sleeping, usually with bum up in the air. They were allowed to sleep like that if supervised during the day.
Michelle

I'm just adding my support to what others have said as well: great job on following your instincts for your baby. When my son was small, not knowing any better, I would often follow the "rules" or "guidelines" or "suggestions" in a book instead of just learning from what he was trying to tell me. I'm glad that you and Z have that all worked out.

My 5 babies all slept on the tummies (1960's). My grandchildren all slept on their sides and backs (1980's & 90's) Some of my grandchildren have flat heads and one severly so. We were taught to let them sleep on their tummies so they could burp easier and if they spit up it wouldn't choke them. Z is beautiful and she does look just like her mommy!

You are absolutely right here! Best advice I ever heard? Listen to all the advice and then do what you know is the right thing. For your child. For you.

Wow. The 'rules' have changed since my boys were babies - they were both on their tummies and I even took a "sids" course, which at the time advised that position. This was in the late 80's early 90's mind you, and I know things always change. But I'm glad to see one thing that will never change, Mom's who know what their babies need.!! Good for you for knowing the "rules" and recommendations and for knowing it's ok to listen to your baby!

Great attitude! Someone is always going to tell you that you are doing it wrong--no matter what you do! I esp run into crazy people at the grocery who tell me all the things I am doing wrong with my kids. Whatever. Kids have tantrums; welcome to 2 year old-ville. Sometimes I get mad and invite them to babysit for free--and then they can raise them THEIR way. They usually shut it then.

Why can't adults just enjoy kids rather than always trying to edit your parenting?

Z is lovely and looks happy. Good job!

Hannah settled much better on her tummy, too. She'll be 15 in a week so it looks like she survived. :-)

The day we left the hospital with our daughter, who is now 17-months-old, the nurse who had helped us during our entire stay said to me: "Remember, you've read all the baby books but she hasn't. Follow her lead and you'll be fine.".

Those parting words of wisdom have carried us through.

Z. is beautiful and the two of you are excellent parents. Follow her lead :)

J.

The Little Prince likes to sleep on his side -- anything but his back. They're rebels together :) My pediatrician just said alternate sides so he doesn't end up with a misshapen head (you may want to make sure she alternates which cheek she's sleeping on to prevent the same thing -- our older son has a minor problem with this, but it's only noticeable to us. He prefered to sleep on his right side and we didn't fight him)

Follow her cues. At this point in time, she's so instinctual that she knows what she needs :)

My baby wouldn't sleep unless I put him on his belly. The poor child would fuss all night on his back. I finally gave up and let him win. He's 11 now, so I'm sure Z will be fine. :)

Our Maggie was the exact same way. From the start she just wanted to be on her tummy. To the point where she rolled herself over in her incubator with the billiruben lights in it. I had nurses yelling at me on a regular basis for putting her on her stomach till one of them saw her roll over. When we took her home, her favorite place to nap was laying on her tummy on either her dads or my chest. My advice for you is don't let people yell at you and make you feel bad. You are a grown up and being responsible! And enjoy these days now, bc they are gone before you know it.

My daughter was fine with the sleeping on her back until she figured how to flip herself over then it was all tummy all the time.

We would put her to bed on her back (as per THE RULES!) but she would have none of it and flip herself onto her tummy where she would quite happily sleep for 4 to 6 hours straight. Perhaps it made me a Bad Mummy, but I was all for anything that got me more sleep!

My Doc told me not to worry about them sleeping on their tummies once they were strong enough to roll over on their own, sounds like she's almost there, so you'll be getting easier night time bed times too.

you're fine. what Z knows is what Z needs and its all up to you to understand. Don't let her read those books!

Good for you for following your instincts and not allowing someone else tell you what your child needs. As her mom, you know Z the best. I, too, learned with my daughter that we are all individuals, even those young little blobs of baby. If, as adults, we don't all fit neatly into charts and diagrams, then why should we expect infants to be any different?

Hey, we all slept on our stomaches and we survived. We ate dirt too, and did a lot of other things that parents these days are discouraged from letting their kids do. I say go with what feels right and give her lots of love. She'll be ok.

My daughter, Danielle, who will be 20 in September, was also a tummy sleeping rebel. It did not matter what position we put her to sleep in, by the time she was 8 weeks old, she had mastered the back to tummy roll, and would put herself to sleep in the most comfortable position for HER. The doctor's verdict: that we could stay awake all night, every night, to return her to her back, and listen to her scream, or we could just leave her be, and let everyone get some sleep! I gave in to her demands and just got used to her sleeping position, which looked alot like a smashed frog, faced down! This was eventually replaced by the " Look mom, I'm defying the laws of gravity by sleeping with my butt sticking up in the air" position.

OMG, I can't believe you made a D&D reference! LOL!

PS-->Good job following your mothering instincts. :-)

I'm not a mom, or going to be a mom anytime soon, but I know there are monitors that you can place under the crib mattress or sheet, which will sense when your baby stops breathing and sound an alarm. It may be an option for you if you are very concerned about SIDS and allowing your baby to sleep on her tummy.

Smart momma=smart decisions. Don't ever feel the need to justify what you're doing. We all know that you're keeping Z safe.

I always sleep better on my tummy. OK, so I'm not a baby, but you know..!

I like your attitude. I have three children and they are all different from each other, and they were different from each other as babies with different needs and wants. What works for one child might not work for another.
The pediatrician I had with my first son always said after each visit: "Enjoy your baby". Looking back I still think of that and feel it was the best advice.

Good for you. It's good to listent to the "experts" advice but in the end it's you that knows what's best for miss Z.
My friend has a baby that is almost exactly the same age as Zosia and I can't help but be amused when I hear all of the rules she's been given by doctors. My girls are 8 & 11 and most of what we did with them is now wrong. Funny but my girls turned out just fine and I'm sure yours will too - even if she sleeps on her tummy sometimes or has a blanket.

Once my twins could lift their heads I let them sleep on their tummies. As you discovered, they do sleep better that way and well, don't have to deal with that flat head business. My sister, with two kids several years older than mine, was advised by her rebel pediatrician that as long as there was air flow onto the mattress, bumpers that didn't close in the entire crib, that sleeping on the stomach was fine. As a result, both of hers (now 11 and 6) as well as mine (almost 4) slept on their stomachs. I was more worried about back sleeping combined with a spitter.

All 4 of mine slept on their tummies because I had to weigh 1. preventing the highly unlikely chance of SIDS 2. having VERY VERY copious spit-uppers and the very likely chance they could spit up and choke and 3. The fact that none of them would sleep more than about 2 hours on their back or side. I chose to put them in a bassinette about 2 inches from the side of my head and put them on their bellies all night. They were all excellent all night sleepers from a very early age and are now all well past babyhood. In short- sounds like you are making a thoughtful, good call to me! Yay for you!

hah you wrote that entry prepared to get flamed huh? I doubt anyone will say anything as this is knitting blogland and everyone always seems pretty darn helpful and supportive!

I am wondering about the bottle thing as well. I was told if you don't intruduce it by a certain point there is a risk baby will never want bottle, but you also don't want them to want bottle over breast.. this is the one thing I think about fairly often and wonder how to handle. Also I've been told you dont NEEd to give a baby a binkie, some are just fine without it and it means not having to wean them off of it, so I am also wondering if I will use binkie's or not!

It sounds to me like you're listening to your baby, which is great. You are learning each other. My daughter (my first) would only sleep on a person, now that's hard to deal with! But we did it. And I had to listen to everyone about cosleeping and not sleeping in the crib! If I put her down in the crib, she slept about 7 minutes and then it was three hours of cranky awake baby, horrible.

Nice part is, when they can roll over themselves, you can stop worrying about it as you can't control them anymore!

You're doing really great!!

Definitely listen to you instincts. If you baby is having a hard time sleeping or settling in on her back, she may have a gas/reflux problem that is soothed by sleeping on her tummy. I spent so much time worrying about my baby that I didn't enjoy the mothering and bonding. I think you are doing a fantastic job.

All 3 of mine have made their tummy-sleeping preferences known. When my older two were born (which isn't all that long ago since they're 8 and 5), there wasn't this incredible hype about no loose blankets. I had my own personal paranoia, so babies sleep with knit or crocheted blankets on the theory that you can breathe through those kinds of blankets. Considering that my daughter, now 17 months, loved to sleep with her blanket on top of her face from the time she could grab it and put it there, the "holes in the blanket thing" made me very happy. These days she mostly sticks her fingers and thumb through holes before sticking the thumb in her mouth and wants to bring her blankets with her everywhere. I'm glad she appreciates handmade things already.

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about letting baby Z sleep on her tummy. Back in the mid-70's, when I was having my girls, that was the recommended position for babies to sleep! My younger daughter always slept on her tummy from birth. She preferred that position & really had trouble sleeping any other way. Now her baby daughter is the same. She always fussed a lot in her car seat & we finally figured out there were 2 reasons for this: she couldn't see anything &, when she got sleepy, she couldn't fall asleep. Now that she is 9 months old, she can see out the window & see one of her big brothers in the rear seat of the minivan; so she's pretty content until she gets sleepy. She still fusses at being on her back when she's sleepy because she really can't fall asleep. And, don't forget, before you know it, baby Z will be rolling over & she will make the decision as to how she sleeps & I bet it'll be on her tummy. (Also the latest research on SIDS, has found a connection between a particular hearing problem & SIDS. They think it has to do with both being controlled by the same area of the brain.)

Yep, me too! My boy does most of his naps on his tummy, and I used a blanket for the few weeks that it actually got cold enough. I just usually put it under his arms and tucked it under his body a little and it hardly moved.

Also, aren't you the one who did the freezer stencils on the onsies a while back?? Could you point me to that post again. I have a friend who has been working on some and would love to see some others.

I think it's perfectly fine to have Z on her tummy. I do believe the reports on SIDS is not getting all the information out. Most cases with SIDS also involved respiratory conditions.

My daughter would ONLY sleep on her tummy and would scream bloody murder until she was put in that position. We found that the sleep sacks work wonders for keeping baby warm while giving her the tummy time.

You do what's right for you and your family. Good luck and I love reading blogs that have more depth then just the craft!

My partner and I are finishing up our Childbirth and Baby Care classes with the same instructor who recommends "tummy time" for babies as long as they are you are there watching. I'm 36 and my parents are immigrants from the islands who never let their kids sleep on their backs. I'm glad you found something that works for you and baby.

Babies don't read rule books, do they? My youngest is happiest on her tummy with her knees pulled up underneath and her bottom in the air, hugging her blankie or a stuffed toy. And I worried about it, especially when she was very new, but I think that weighing all the facts we have from "the rule books" with all the little details we know best about our babies, sometimes in the end baby knows best.

I know a blog is a public place, where anyone can comment with with or without thinking about the impact of their words, but I would hate to think of you being labeled as "a terrible mom" for any decision you make, when it's so clear how much thought you put into your decisions, and more importantly, how loved the beautiful Miss Z is.

I still sleep on my tummy & haven't succumbed yet! She looks just fine & dandy.

I've read that from the baby's perspective, being on their backs often feels like falling. Now that my little guys is a little over three months, he doesn't seem to mind being on his back, but he prefers his side -- and sometimes enjoys tummy naps during the day, too. I just made sure there was plenty of air circulation around his face and kept an eye on him. No surprise the recommendations are so stringently worded, though -- for one, not everyone is blessed with the same degree of common sense and ability to handle responsibility, for another, it may be a strategy for avoiding litigation in SIDS cases.

Like everyone else has said, once Z can roll over, she'll sleep how she wants! Sounds like you have the matter completely under control until then, and she will be fine.

Pixie, my two were never interested in pacifiers; I breastfed one (until he got teeth, OW!) and bottle-fed the other, and honestly, when I gave them a pacifier and there wasn't food coming out of that nipple they would spit it out in outrage. ;-) So I never pushed the issue and they both grew up binkie-free. But there again, you have to listen to the baby...

Ah, others are always quick to give advice, aren't they?

Whatever works for your baby is a good thing, --she'll tell you what she needs...

(I mean, after all, how many millenia were babies sleeping on their bellies before the SIDS information came out?)

I'm a rebel survivor! I was put to sleep on my tummy (back when it was kosher) and I survived just fine. I still sleep on my stomach or side- I just can't get comfortable any other way.

Well since I am an old fart, when I had my children I read all the books, and worried, and then realized about child #2 that they did *not* read the books so they felt free to do what they wanted. So after 5 which were all different, I came to the conclusion that if it works for them, and it works for me, the rest of the world can go hang!
Some slept on their tummys (reccommended at the time) and some didn't and some turned upside down and crawled head first under the covers, and one seldom slept at all, so we let hime sleep anywhere, and anyway he would.
They are now 32, 30, 27, 24, and 18, and the 5 grandchildren are just as independant, and just fine also. Use your own best judgement, there is plenty of time to get in line for the Worst Mom of
the Year award.
Anita holder of the WMOTY several years!

You are such a great mom! You pay attention to your little girl's needs and she is lucky to have you--for a mom and as a provide of handknits! :o)
that blanket is really beautiful too! (what yarn is it?!) have a great weekend! and give Z a little snuggle from me! :o)

It does make you wonder where these things get hardwired. I'm I side/tummy sleeper myself... and I was born at a time when you were told to put babies on their tummies as well.

I hadn't heard about the "feeling like they are falling" thing about babies sleeping on their backs, but it does make sense -- sometimes when we put Z down on her back to swaddle her, she throws her arms out above her head and looks a little shocked before she realizes she's okay and settles down.

And, yes, I did have some concerns when I posted this that I would get flack about it... but I thought it was a good subject to talk about -- and I thought it was something that other new mom types might be thinking about, too. So I decided it would be good to post about. It's been nice to hear so many reassuring stories and comments!

We were rebels, too, don't worry about it. My middle daughter's favorite sleeping position was in my arms, in my bed. All the books and doctors advise against it, you could roll over onto the baby and smother it, but my daughter hadn't read the books and didn't care - she wanted mama. My other two would roll onto their tummies on their own; we used props to keep them on their sides, and they would end up on their tummies anyway. Listen to Zosia, and everyone will be happier!

I am a mother of 2 (ages 6 & 11) and neither of my babies would sleep on their back very well. I put them on their tummies and under a baby blankie and they slept perfectly fine. So call me a bad mother if you must, but they are both healthy and alive today.

Hey Theresa - You are the MOTHER. You know BEST. Listen to your baby and do what works. No justifications necessary.

(PS: If my babies were sleeping I pretty much didn't care what position they were in. And at night I slept with them in my bed. GASP!)

Kudos to you for putting everything in context of your baby's personal development. It's so true that all the "rules" can't apply to every baby! I'm an epidemiologist so I feel I have to weigh in on the "rules" - they weren't established arbitrarily, but were based on several studies. And once people started following the "back to sleep" guidelines, the rate of SIDS went down. From 1991 to 1992 in England, the rate of tummy sleeping went from 21% to 4%, and the number of SIDS cases went from 912 to 456. There's never been a randomized trial of sleeping position, because it would be unethical to do so based on the evidence we have so far. This is by no means a criticism of you - AT ALL - just a criticism of people who pooh-pooh science because millennia of tummy-sleeping babies can't be wrong. And yes, you can smoke 3 packs a day and live to be 100, but I wouldn't count on it. :)

You are wise to listen to your child. I'm very happy for you that you've learned this so soon!

I have heard recommendations for a lamb's fleece for babies sleeping on their tummies. Something about better air circulation...

I don't have any children but a friend is having a baby in January (a girl)and I'd love to make that blanket Z is under. Do you have a pattern for it?

the back sleeping thing has bugged me for years...both my babies slept on their tummies and they are now 30 and 25, fine healthy intelligent handsome strong men with nicely shaped skulls, I might add, unlike so many babies I see now with flat heads. Yuck. You are doing just great with little Z.

I put my daughter on her tummy too! Right from the start....she would NOT sleep on her back.

If you think about how babies are all curled up right against you in the womb....being on your back feels so open and vulnerable to them! Being on the tummy with their face against something feels much more comforting to them.

I think the problem comes from people putting babies on SOFT surfaces and then crowding them with stuffed animals and such. Then there's the people who roll over on their babies and that's another thing altogether. Both my kids spent their first few months sleeping in bed next to me (nursing is much easier...I just pulled the baby over to me and she ate and I slept :P ) and I was always aware of the baby!

Anyway...you should go with your gut and do what's best for you and your baby....good job :)

As a Mom of a now-32-year old, I can assure you I broke ALL the rules. My baby was separated from me at 4 months as I had major surgery and was in the hospital for 3 weeks - instant weaning. I was not able to pick her up for 8 weeks after that, so no cuddling. She didn't gain weight fast enough - preemie - and they said to give her solid food at 2 weeks. At that time, we put babies to sleep on their tummies. That rule seems to change with the generations. The upshot is, you have the right idea. Pay attention to YOUR child. The rules have been created for the average. You're a statistician. You know that there are bound to be babies on the thin ends of the bell curve. You seem to have one. She's lucky you are willing to listen to HER, not force her into someone else's pattern. By the way, our daughter read at age 4, is totally healthy (she just did the 3Day for breast cancer in Chicago), and we're very close

My 3 babies(1974-77-79) all slept on their tummies-We were told absolutely no sleeping on their backs as they could choke on spit up. They are healthy and happy grown ups-with children who have to sleep on their backs to "avoid sids"-I think babies who are sids victims are often sleeping on too soft a surface. And no one is that generation had a flat head in back!!
They make little "sleeping bags" made of blanket material that goes on over PJ's-a great way to keep a baby warm if a loose blanket is a concern.
They are like the blanket sleepers-but with no legs-just a big sack. My grandchildren loved them-they felt very secure.
Sounds like you are doing great. Miss Z will let you know if you head in the wrong direction. :)

my twin boys started napping on their tummies at 8 weeks. it was a big decision and we had to talk ourselves through it, but my mom made light of it by telling us that in her day, our infancy, mamas were terrified to let baby sleep on back because they could choke on their vomit....so there. they still nap tummy down at 4 months, but they are starting to get themselves out of that position occ. kudos to you for the courage to blog about it. parenting just keeps bringing those decisions. it sounds like you think on each one with the same intensity i do. whew.

Everybody does it differently! My son was a side sleeper. Hated his tummy and back. Still at 3, he sleeps on his side!!! She'll be a happy baby regardless of how she sleeps.

Advice is always good, but knowing what you and your munchkin need to survive the day by day sleepies is the most important!!!!

Plus ca change...When my first daughter was born 20 years ago, I was instructed to have her sleep on her stomach, or if that failed, on her side. All she wanted to do was to sleep on her back, with one arm raised above, like a flamenco dancer. Needless to say there was plenty of SIDS data or hypotheses to keep me properly worried... I do remember that sleeping on one's tummy AND on something hairy like sheepskin was strongly discouraged.

I am a mother of 9; the youngest is 2 and my oldest is almost 22. I've seen the whole spectrum of recommended sleeping postions for infants. When my first 2 or 3 were little, it was tummy sleeping; for the next 3 it was supported side sleeping; then came the back sleeping thing. You know what they are all fine and I have found that for mine tummy sleeping worked the best. I co-sleep my babies and was always aware of their sleep patterns. I usually woke up right before they did when they were little.

You are doing the right thing if you are both getting more rest. That is a very important thing for you both.

My niece was a tummy sleeper too. It helped with her acid reflux, and helped my sister and brother-in-law sleep. She turned one a month ago...go Z!

Mom always knows best!

Don't worry about it. Babies DO sleep better on their tummies and you're being very careful.

There have been some developmental delays in kids that never get any "tummy time"--they crawl and walk much later.

You are a great mom. Hang in there!

Yay for you, thinking outside the parent-box. There seems to be so many "rules" and so much pressure to "conform". Like being a mom wasn't hard enough, aye?

Yep. Supergirl was the same way. She'll be okay. Promise!

I think kids are natural tummy-sleepers... I know both of mine are. As little babies I had them sleep on their side and then when they learned to roll over on the tummy by themselves let them do that. And both have taken naps on their tummy even as small babies, in the daytime when somebody's been with them.

I just went to a museum of the history of medicine. It was eye-opening. Seems every generation or even less, the medical fashions change. This seems especially true of OB/GYN-pediatric advice. For example, 40-50 years ago, my mother and all her friends were told to wash their nipples with alcohol before breastfeeding. One very small woman has told me that she wasn't "allowed" to gain more than 10 pounds during pregnancy, although she weighed maybe 95 lbs. Her doctor was worried that she'd get "too fat" to deliver. These ladies of my mother's generation were also to adhere to a strict feeding schedule. Needless to say, following this "medical" advice resulted in small, colicky, upset babies who refused to breastfeed. Over the course of my own kids (ranging from adult to elementary school age) fashions have again changed--the amount of weight to gain during pregnancy, the "correct" sleeping position for babies, the desireability of a "lambie" (sheepskin), the advisability of co-sleeping. No doubt, today's advice will again be overturned in a few years. But somehow, without any medical advice at all, women through the ages have managed. So, take a deep, skeptical breath, and do what works for you and your baby. ( BTW--that's a lovely blankie!)

well, I had two kids when it was fine to sleep on the stomach, and they are fine, and yours looks perfectly fine. I suppose that all those folks have to change the rules every once and a while on us because if they didn't they wouldn't have anything to do. Has SIDS rate declined since this edict came around, I wonder...

I am a scientist as I know you are, and I think scientists think you should follow all the "scientific" rules about how to raise a baby--when to feed solid food, what position to sleep in, etc, problem is, this isn't science, is it?

Maybe one thing to consider is whether or not she is ababy who tends to be sick. When my son (who is now 20) was an infant, the advice was different. We put him to sleep on his tummy and he vomited and breathed it in - fortunately we heaard him making a 'funny noise' ie choking, and managed to clear his airway....not scaremongering, just telling a little personal experience.
Z sure looks like a happy baby,btw.
India

Oh yeah, the freezer paper stencils! I think that's how I got here, LOL.
And Judy--it is very easy to nurse once your baby has teeth. I hope no one else reads that and thinks you have to wean because of teeth!
And for what's it's worth--I had been told to not introduce a bottle of bm before 3 weeks. I did that with all three babies, and only one ever took the bottle regularily. The other two never liked them and started getting sippy cups by 5 months. You really can get through the first year without ever giving a bottle---then your baby won't be one of those three year olds with a bottle clenched between their teeth at the playground, LOL.

Back when the label "SIDS" was coined, there had been a huge drop in breastfeeding and co-sleeping, and increases in the number of women smoking. Those three things are the other 3 factors in the top 4 things you can do to help lower your SIDS risk. Doing any one of those helps, and doing more than one decreases your odds of SIDS even more. We hear the most about back sleeping probably because it was the 'easiest' (most polite) to talk about in public and to pregnant/new moms. 'They' figured women would listen to the medical gods and not question it and put babies to sleep on their backs.
But babies don't listen to the doctors either ;)