Z's smile is the best!

The little ones like to keep us on our toes, just when we think we have the schedule down and them all figured out, boom - there it goes.

The fussy times can get so frustrating. What helped me a bit (mentally that is) was knowing that this fussy period we were going through was not going to last forever, and it usually meant another milestone was on the verge of breaking out. Babies grow so quickly it has to crank them out just a bit don't you think? Though, the rewards are great, like that smile. My youngest just went pee-pee on the potty for the first time today all on his own - and I'm flying on cloud nine :)

Oh it's wonderful when the smiles come along isn't it?! When my first daughter gave me her first smile, I cried!

Oh yes, the smiles are great! Now you get to look forward to the first giggle.

I think everyone goes through the same emotions of loving but not liking their baby. I'm not trying to minimize your feelings; I'm just saying that I've been there and you will survive and look back on this part and not remember just how bad it felt.

I know what you mean about the baby in the bed! I tried it in moments of extreme desperation (like yours) and it did not work for me either. I could not sleep with the little person there, and the wet sheets made me regret it deeply. Some parents love it--just not this one. I am an introvert, and I get "touched out" at the end of the day, all the holding of the baby seems to drain me. At night I its good to recharge, and the baby in the bed will not do that for me!

A baby that will not sleep is sooooooooo frustrating. Especially when it has no reason! I used to fear nights like you just had.....they are really tough. And I understand how you felt cheated of sleep! I have felt the same way.

At least you got through it. Good luck tonight!

Look how much she's grown! All I can tell you is that this, too, shall pass. Probably quicker than you think.

Your daughter has a lovely smile !
My baby boy must be the same age than your Zosia and he's getting through the same period. I totally understand that you don't want her to sleep in your bed, I was feeling the same, but it worked soooo good for us that I can't imagine doing differently now !
You greatly express that feeling of frustration and guilt when it's 3 a.m. and you terribly want, need to sleep and the baby is fully awake ! It conforts me to see that i am not the only one feeling this way !

All I can say is...car seat on top of the dryer. The hum and gentle vibration lulls most kids to sleep and you can learn to sleep pretty well in a kitchen chair backed up to a running dryer.

They start to smile at this point because otherwise you'd be sorely tempted to leave them on a mountainside somewhere.

Do you have a swing? It would be worth a try ....

I know it doesn't help to say that she will grow out of it soon when each day seems a year long because you are exhausted. It is true what they say, you must sleep or rest when she does during the day.I resisted it for a long time, just made me crankier. Just think, in less than a year, you will be watching her walk.
We have a completely different kid dynamic and worry going on here. James started classes at the community college this week and we are signing him up for drivers ed today. he already has his permit. It is an expensive week.
Good luck and get some rest.

We've all felt that way, not much of a comfort but there it is. Being a new parent is a lot of work, lack of sleep is the worst part of it in my opinion. Often when the boys suddenly changed a routine it was because of a growth spurt. In a short time she'll be sleeping better, when Dan slept through the night the first time I was so exhausted I did too & woke up terrified something had happened to him.

I second the notion of a swing. It worked like a charm for my second one. The first one responded well to white noise -- especially the sound of the kitchen faucet running -- at about this time.

Yes, these are the points of babyraising that suck. Almost every mother every will agree -- and agree that it's doubly hard to get through it when you are sleep deprived. Some days you just have to get through.

And, btw, the fact that you are concerned about the guilt means that you are doing just fine.

Like others in the comments have mentioned, this too will pass! When my babies were babies (my oldest just started college!), they used to change their "patterns" (eating, sleeping, fussing) just before they achieved some new developmental skill OR just before they had an amazing growth spurt. As babies, these things happen very quickly; it slows down a bit as they grow older -- but it continues to happen.

With my first baby (who had patterns very similar to little Z's), I managed so much better once I let go of my own expectations for what "life with a baby" would be like. (I had imagined those idyllic moments of motherhood -- not baby poop crusted into my watchband, clothes that smelled like baby urp, and leaking breasts -- and being too tired to care.) Babies are very little people. They do their own thing -- right from the start! Our only hope, as mothers, is to catch on to their lead and go with the flow!

Baby Z will sleep through the night when she's bigger -- about 15 pounds. Until then, it's pretty miserable. I'll bet things will get better (in the fuss and sleep departments) when she hits that magical 3 month mark!

Hang in there! Your thoughts and frustrations are so normal. You're doing a great job and little Z is so beautiful. You won't "like" being a mom every day -- it's such hard work and it seems you never have it quite figured out (because they really do keep changing the rules on you as they grow. . .) -- and that's okay.

Beautiful smile. Late nights are the hardest as I think our emotions are on overdrive on top of everything. Happy Birthday to your mom!

When Charlie was about the age that Z is now, I remember thinking "Why did we want to do this again?", meaning have a baby. We had some similar troubles like you did before Z was born, and we spent so long just wishing for a baby. And then the baby comes and is so demanding and we can't sleep, etc, and I just have to tell you--THIS IS TOTALLY NORMAL!

Six-week growth spurt perhaps? Maybe a mobile with music to give her something to do while she settles down? Or could it just be that the "power hour" has switched to the middle of the night? My prince has gotten better about the night stretches, but still not as good as Zosia!

Have you tried the commercial swaddlers with the velcro tabs? We're having good luck with them, better than a blanket at least. He's just between sizes, so he can often get an arm out of the bigger ones, but he stayed in all last night!

Keep this in mind: EVERYTHING is Just A Phase. For better or worse, as soon as you come to depend on a baby or child's behavior as "settled," it will change.

Fun, isn't it?

She's beautiful!
Yup, they can get on your last nerve...it really does get better, though. The sleep thing will sort itself out and then you get to worry about all sorts of new things like tantrums! glee! ;)
Don't feel guilty - you're feeling exactly what every other mom out there feels at one time or another. Mine is 2 1/2 and there are days when I'll look at her think "man, you're not very pleasant to be around." But, that's normal. If you spent all day, every day, with the same person you'd eventually start to feel like you need some time to breathe. It's the same with these little people, too.

As for the co-sleeping - we tried it, but it didn't work for us. I can count on one hand the number of times she's slept in bed with me and still have plenty of fingers left over. To each his own.

Co-sleeping saved my sanity with #2. I didn't really want to, but we've always operated in the "whatever works" style, with a dash of "I'll try anything short of brandy to get another 10 mins sleep." We never tried it with DD, but the carseat was a lifesaver once she became a swaddle-buster. She slept in it for MANY weeks.

hang in there! wow, you guys are amazing parents. and the smile on baby Z is just too cute--hard not to smile myself! :o) i hope you guys get more sleep this weekend and WOW! baby Z has definitely Grown!!! ek.

Smiles make a huge difference! SOme days, it's the only thing that keeps you from going crazy:)

Oh, it is hard, when you're getting all cranky because you're not getting enough sleep. Then they turn around and sleep straight through the night . . . some day . . . and you wake up all in a panic and check to make sure they're still alive.

You can *read* about new parents not getting enough sleep. But you only really empathize when you are the one waking up in the dark.

Love that beautiful smile! She's so adorable!

Ohhhhhhh, that's such a difficult time. I remember it well. Sleep is so central to how we feel about everything. It's amazing how time bends, twists and turns, isn't it? With our first child, it seemed as if some days lasted for 36 hours, but then after 6 months, I couldn't believe he was already 6 months old. It's very odd and somewhat disconcerting, but I think you are doing very well. Be real with your thoughts and have someone to talk to about them.

i hear every word you wrote, i feel the same way when things fall apart around here, especially because we have two. at those times i either take deep yoga breathes and think 'this too shall pass' or i cry. so many things keep changing and evolving for both them and us. hang in there, you sound like a great mama because you care so much and reflect on her needs. the guilt thing, i think it just comes with motherhood. sigh.

What she is most likely going through is the 6 week growthspurt. This is a painful realization that I made with both my kids - for some reason, when they are going through their growth spurt, babies won't let you put them down. They want to be held and they want to eat.

My daughter actuallly went through this a week or so ago... painful. Makes for a very tired mommy and daddy. Smiles are a great reward... and soon you will get giggles!! Those will just melt your heart.

i think there is a saying something along the lines of

"the reason god made babies so cute is so that you don't kill them at 4am in the morning" LOL

biology is pretty smart that way - and she is super cute when she smiles

You kind of hit the nail on the head with the end of your post- it seems like they are always fussiest right before they hit a milestone. Whether it's a growth spurt, a new tooth, a new behavior (geez- those new teen behaviors are really something to look forward to and keep you up at night!!), it seems like they are saying "pay attention now, it's coming and it'll be worth the fuss". With the co-sleeping, it's different for every family and even for every kid in the family. My oldest (now 25) was always very independent and was happiest in his own bed. By the time my youngest (#7) came along (counting the days til her 7th b-day), sleep was more important and she ended up in our bed a lot just for those precious extra minutes to snooze (I had a college freshman, 2 in HS, a middle schooler and 2 in elementary with all the attendant activities). The most important thing is a happy, healthy baby and she sure looks like that is your priority too. It's worth all the lost sleep when your teenager comes up behind you in the kitchen one day, throws his/her arms around you (with their friends watching no less!), and says "I love you Mom and I'm sorry I was such a jerk earlier". Le sigh. :)

What an adorable smile! My little guy was his fussiest at that age too (and is now teething, which is also loads of fun), but the worst of it didn't last that long -- you'll have your "happy baby" back soon.

It's surprisingly difficult, isn't it? Especially when you've been a professional woman who could make things happen, and now you've got this little being who refuses to get with the plan! And you're tired. It always reminded me of that old military saying, "Hurry up and wait," only for parenting, it's "long periods of teeth gnashing interspersed with moments of wonderfulness." It gets much, much better, and your feelings are normal.

No advice from me, but I did want to say that she is awfully cute!

What a smile! She's gorgeous!

De-lurking to say, hang in there, the sleeping does get better! Like so much, it's often one step back, two steps forward. I have enjoyed reading your blog for a long time now... congratulations on your wonderful baby!

Sometimes it is just like that! We did the cosleeping thing, but I'm with you, it's whatever will work for you...and there were certainly some disadvantages to it... I tried to tell somebody that it's normal to have the horrible thoughts when the kid is being super fussy, as long as they are fleeting and not acted on! Z is such a cutie, and has a precious smile!

I always thought it was a good thing babies are cute.....

Thank you for this entry, it makes me feel so much better as we are having the same sort of thing with Pete at the moment, we are sleeping in shifts :( Roll on that first night when they sleep through.

Hang in there, it does get better. The first two months are killer. My little M started sleeping pretty much through the night at about 2.5-3 months. Now at 4 months she's out like a light 11-7. I can't guarantee you'll have the same luck, but here's hoping. :)

The smile is great, but wait until that first giggle...!

Babies commit lots of random acts those first few months. I wish that I had gotten this doctorate in developmental psychology before our daughters were born. I have read many times that infant's immature neurological systems drive erratic sleep and wake cycles and that crying often is the only means that babies have to discharge tension or discomfort. This is all well and good; I have sharp memories of the desperate middle-of-the-night walks trying to soothe a crying, shuddering baby. Oh, the guilt and angst, and the hours spent trying to figure out why and how! And how could this tiny little thing grow up happy and well-adjusted if I were having these dark thoughts? Well, both daughters actually did, blissfully unconscious of their mother's more negative feelings. Maybe these early ambivalences and needs for separateness help to prepare us for those inevitable later conflicts.

Beautiful Baby Z has landed in a wonderful family. You and John really appear to be super parents. Hang in there. One week becomes two, they become 4 and pretty soon the really hard time is over. Happy birthday to your Mom, I think that you landed in a pretty wonderful family, too.

You're feeling totally normal. There are many days I'm not a big fan of the 3 year old!! We coslept and it was a HUGE mistake. #2 will be in his crib from day 1!!!!

It does get better. I didn't sleep for 1 year b/c we thought we were being awful parents if he wasn't in the bed with us or if he whimpered for 2 secs. Try whatever you need to do to get rest. I remember that feeling and it is the worst in the world!!!!!

(((HUGS)))))

I was very big on co-sleeping. I found that keeping a towel in the bed under the kid took care of leakage and I made plastic sheets out of garbage bags under the sheets to protect the mattress. I don't have a moral stance on it, it just was a practical answer to a breastfeeding mom whose babies NEVER went over 2 hours between feedings until they started getting real food at 7 months or so.

Have you tried a bed "addition". You might be able to find a big armchair which is the same height as your mattress. Pull it up to the side of the bed and baby can sleep there, but be easy to pull in with you for feeding without really waking up either of you.

Babies can get very stressed out and have gas or cramps according to what you eat. Might not even be one of the classical problems like chocolate or cabbage or onion--it could just be a spice that upsets her. Or too much butter, cheese or cow's milk in your diet.

Swaddling wasn't common when my boys were babies. The few times we tried it just pissed them off. Didn't work at all for my bunch. She's been out for 6 weeks or so now, the swaddling may be starting to constrict her rather than comfort her. I don't really know, but it's something to think about.

If you didn't think about maybe wishing she was on Mars for a couple of hours, you wouldn't be a mom. We all go through it, we all feel like scum when we do and the kid will never know. Find a mom with older kids who does know and set it up so you can call somebody and whine in total freedom, without guilt.

Besides, it could be worse. She could be starting to date. >grin

I'll bet you she's having a growth spurt!
I am pro-co-sleeping----but not for myself, LOL. We have a double bed, and I have a hard enough time sleeping with my husband. However, I have had a futon in our babies' room since the beginning, and when they'd have a night like that, being able to nurse them and doze at the same time is helpful. They'd start the night in their bed, but after about the second waking, I'd often be passed out with them on the futon.
Look at it from her point of view. This world is scary compared to where she was before. You are her biggest/only source of nourishment which is the same as comfort at that age (although comfort can be other things too, nourishment to a newborn is also a comfort). Why wouldn't she want to be close to you all the time? Why would a newborn want to be behind bars far away from the scent of the one thing they can depend on?
Years from now though, of course she'll want to be FAR away from your scent, LOL! You are SO lucky to have a great, helpful husband! Mine locked our first in the car at the carwash; I was asleep with earplugs in at home!

Yes, just about when your initial attachment is beginning to fray...they smile and you fall in love with them again, thank goodness!

Their sleep schedules change continually, sorry to say. Many a parent of a tiny infant brags, "Well, mine is sleeping through the night," only to find two weeks later no dice. She could even be teething! My oldest had teeth at 3 1/2 months!

You're doing great, try not to feel guilty! Is she fed, dry, cuddled? If you're tired and cranky, well, she's too young to notice, don't fret.

Everyone has felt that "I love the baby , but I sure don't like the baby right now" feeling! No guilt with this one-completely normal!
We used a humidifier in our babies rooms. The soft noise of the machine put them right out-I guess this is the precursor to the "white noise" machines. We also used a small aquarium. The humming noise of the pump and the soft glow of the light also did the trick. Buy cheap fish-the turn over is horrific!!LOL
I agree with the bed issue. My sister-in-law let her babies sleep with them. They were still doing it at preteen years-and have never been good sleepers. I think babies sleep better in their own beds and they learn to go to sleep and go back to sleep if they are given the chance.
Keep your spirits up-the fussy stage goes away. But try to get out for some fresh air and sunshine !

Sounds like my life. Except I've been sleeping on our couch for a month so that my husband can get some sleep before work. And the baby refuses to sleep in his bassinet or crib. And no smiles yet. Can't wait for a smile.

I totally agree with all that has been said, a growth spurt is on it's way or happening. OTH if she's not settling down after just having been fed, then give the "football" hold a try. tuck Ms Z face down crotch at your elbow, body along your forearm and upper chest/side of face in in your hand. You can achieve approximately the same thing by carrying her facing out instead of towards your body with her back against you, your arm between her legs and holding her chest in your hand. When she gets a bit older maybe, simply your arm around her upper abdomen with her facing outward. (your call on when she's ready for less support) Sometimes the "new" perspective is enough to quiet them down. It was often startling to my kids. :-) And if it is a gas problem that just isn't working without with a burp the little bit of extra pressure on their abdomen helps, sort of in that hold my tummy kind of way.

Totally agree with everyone else when they say forget the guilt, there will be LOTS of days you're not too keen on your kid no matter what the age! :-)

Oh and to add a comment about another days post....it's nice to know what the experts say, and the rest of us well meaning voyeurs, but only you know what is best and works for you and your baby. You don't owe anyone an explanation of why or how your baby sleeps. Throughout my kids (4 of them) the rule of thought flipped flopped back and forth between tummy, side, and back, and changed with each child.

I am a fan of the 'whatever works' way of doing things. Try everything! My daughter was in the same stage as your sweety and the only thing that worked was to give her a soft lovey blanket that she could kinda press against her face and then bounce and bounce in my arms. I would kinda skip around the house! She loved the extreme movement. Maybe try the stroller in the house... (if the stroller isnt too dirty) I would jostle it around a bit in our kitchen and she loved the movement. Eventually, she would fall asleep. I know everyone else has said it... it will pass. You are doing a great job and her smile is to die for!

Our oldest daughter (40 now) thought our grandson (now 13) was going to go through life swaddled in a car seat!!! He didn't. I know everyone has different thoughts about co-sleeping, but I recently heard a pediatrician say that we do a disservice to our child when we don't help them to self comfort and go to sleep and get back to sleep on their own. We were of the school that went into our baby or child's room and only let them into our bed for morning hugs and kisses. The most important thing, as many have said, is that "this too will pass" and you have a beautiful and smiling baby. She is lucky!! Go with your own gut feeling. You know best.

Ha! I finally managed to comment successfully. All I can do is echo the "yes, its a phase" sentiment. You know how you parents just keep trying things until something works? That's pretty much what she's doing too. She doesn't sound colicky to me, just the normal evening fussy hour. My ped told me that a lot of babies get fussy near the end of the day like that because of myelination. All that brain activity is literally hard work!

We tried the 5 S's with Niblet: Swaddling, Swaying, Ssssh-ing, Sucking, and um -- one more that I can't remember. That worked pretty well. Also, I kept reminding myself that it wasn't my job to get her to stop crying as it was to let her know that I would be there, loving her, no matter what. I don't know if it did HER any good, but it sure helped me.

I agree with what others have said that what you are feeling is normal! Sleep deprivation IS brutal and IMO this is the hardest part of babyhood and it gets easier. We had a colicky firstborn and tried every trick in the book. Swing, carseat, Baby Bjorn, etc. In the end, co-sleeping worked the best for us until he was 6 months. Have you tried giving her a shirt you've worn (or if that is too big, you could put a washcloth in your clothing during the day and then snuggle it next to her at night). Just something that smells like you. Just take it one day at a time and I promise it won't last forever!!

That fifth S is a side-stomach position--but it's not a thing that we needed to do with Bug. We have a swing that holds the carseat and rocks it; if you'd like to give it a try, you're welcome. Never worked for us.

About the time Bug quit leaking through diapers (that would be when we switched to cloth) he started spitting up everywhere. He doesn't touch ANY furniture now--bed, couch, easy chair--without a blanket or quilt underneath him. Much easier to wash than a mattress or upholstery.

Thank heavens for those smiles! There are days when we'd leave 'em at a fire station otherwise. Hang in there, T. It will get better. Someday she will even sleep through the night every night...

Those little smiles are quite powerful. When my son was born (5.5 years ago), I had planned on hiring a nanny and going back to work. Just before I was supposed to go back he started smiling at me and that was it... I quit my job and have been staying home with him ever since!