So my fantasy
Becomes reality
And I must be what I must be
And face tomorrow.
-- from Simon & Garfunkel, "Flowers Never Bend with the Rainfall"
Ever since I was a teenager, I have found myself able to get emotionally entangled with books and good stories. My first journeys to Middle Earth in the Tolkein books were a prime example. I was unable to put them down because I had been so pulled in that I would be physiologically impacted until I finished them. And after I would read them, I would devour everything I could find to help me understand that world, stay there a little longer. Even though I'm a pretty high maintenance creature who would never do well in a conventional medieval fantasy setting (hello, indoor running water required, thank you very much), it doesn't take very much to get me to the place where I want to be saturated with elven lore and believe in magic. I think this is why I liked Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere so much... a modern person transported into a world of the bizarre and somewhat magical.
When I was in high school, I read fantasy voraciously... Piers Anthony, David Eddings, Terry Brooks, Katherine Kurtz, Raymond Feist, Robert Lynn Aspirin, Roger Zelazny, Stephen Brust, Christopher Stasheff, Stephen R. Donaldson and many many more lined my shelves. As I got older, if I got a magick-using fantasy world combined with a good boy meets girl storyline, I was not only hooked, but emotionally invested. I would wrap up these books and immediately be at the bookstore looking for the next installment. I wanted to know where those characters were going. Wanted them to be real, a little bit. Borders Bookstore started in Ann Arbor (my home town) at one incredibly fabulous location. I was always camped out there hunting down my favorite authors. Sometimes it would take a day or two for me to break loose of the connection I had made to the book. Since high school wasn't one of those times of my life that I would willingly go back to, I'm pretty sure that these fantasy worlds gave me a place to go to where I could believe in a different world, instead of one populated by mean teenage girls.
As I've gotten older, it's harder and harder for me to get to that fully absorbed place. I still like a good tour through a fantasy world, but I don't get connected unless it's particularly real. Computer role playing games weren't all that available when I was in high school, but I developed a real passion for them in grad school and beyond. Now, not only could I read about a world, I could put myself in it. As graphics and other production values for these games get better, I can almost feel like I am there... and those strong physiological effects of emotional connection are back...
It's funny for me to be writing this. I'm a scientist, eh? Someone trained to want to understand reality in great detail. Someone who has a vested interest in developing technology and loves to roll around in the glow of the latest technological gadget. Makes me feel like sometimes I am two different people. The pragmatic technologist and the romantic dreamer. It's also funny to me to think that at the same time as I am feeling emotionally engaged by a video game -- technology pulling me into fantasy -- there's also a part of me stepping back from it, analyzing myself and the neurology of this behavior, reminding me that, unlike when I was a teenager, my forty year old self has too many responsibilities to indulge in a pure flight of fantasy. A little unsure of what to make of the fact that I am not completely in control of the response.
There was a time in my life that I would have been embarrassed to admit all this, but this time, I seem to have gotten myself to a place where instead of being a bit disturbed and disoriented by my response, I'm kind of embracing it -- it's kind of neat that to ride some emotional highs and lows, to lose myself a little bit and get to be someone else entirely. Sometimes losing myself helps me find things about myself that I had forgotten were there. Gets me inspired, shakes me up, reminds me how driven I can be when something really grabs my attention, and that I shouldn't give up on the idea that I can make a difference in the world.
I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this post, so please forgive me the rambling. One of those "found things" seems to be to get out there and do some more creative writing, tell some more stories about myself, move words around in pleasing ways. Perhaps in the next weeks, more of that sort of stuff will show up here as Dragon Age continues.
As an aside, there actually is a character in Dragon Age (an older, female mage -- ah, stereotypes -- but at least she is a pretty tough, non-typical older woman) that talks about "making fuzzy blankets with animals on them" and "slippers with pom poms" -- knitters, apparently, can be found on both sides of the reality divide.
Becomes reality
And I must be what I must be
And face tomorrow.
-- from Simon & Garfunkel, "Flowers Never Bend with the Rainfall"
Ever since I was a teenager, I have found myself able to get emotionally entangled with books and good stories. My first journeys to Middle Earth in the Tolkein books were a prime example. I was unable to put them down because I had been so pulled in that I would be physiologically impacted until I finished them. And after I would read them, I would devour everything I could find to help me understand that world, stay there a little longer. Even though I'm a pretty high maintenance creature who would never do well in a conventional medieval fantasy setting (hello, indoor running water required, thank you very much), it doesn't take very much to get me to the place where I want to be saturated with elven lore and believe in magic. I think this is why I liked Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere so much... a modern person transported into a world of the bizarre and somewhat magical.
When I was in high school, I read fantasy voraciously... Piers Anthony, David Eddings, Terry Brooks, Katherine Kurtz, Raymond Feist, Robert Lynn Aspirin, Roger Zelazny, Stephen Brust, Christopher Stasheff, Stephen R. Donaldson and many many more lined my shelves. As I got older, if I got a magick-using fantasy world combined with a good boy meets girl storyline, I was not only hooked, but emotionally invested. I would wrap up these books and immediately be at the bookstore looking for the next installment. I wanted to know where those characters were going. Wanted them to be real, a little bit. Borders Bookstore started in Ann Arbor (my home town) at one incredibly fabulous location. I was always camped out there hunting down my favorite authors. Sometimes it would take a day or two for me to break loose of the connection I had made to the book. Since high school wasn't one of those times of my life that I would willingly go back to, I'm pretty sure that these fantasy worlds gave me a place to go to where I could believe in a different world, instead of one populated by mean teenage girls.
As I've gotten older, it's harder and harder for me to get to that fully absorbed place. I still like a good tour through a fantasy world, but I don't get connected unless it's particularly real. Computer role playing games weren't all that available when I was in high school, but I developed a real passion for them in grad school and beyond. Now, not only could I read about a world, I could put myself in it. As graphics and other production values for these games get better, I can almost feel like I am there... and those strong physiological effects of emotional connection are back...
It's funny for me to be writing this. I'm a scientist, eh? Someone trained to want to understand reality in great detail. Someone who has a vested interest in developing technology and loves to roll around in the glow of the latest technological gadget. Makes me feel like sometimes I am two different people. The pragmatic technologist and the romantic dreamer. It's also funny to me to think that at the same time as I am feeling emotionally engaged by a video game -- technology pulling me into fantasy -- there's also a part of me stepping back from it, analyzing myself and the neurology of this behavior, reminding me that, unlike when I was a teenager, my forty year old self has too many responsibilities to indulge in a pure flight of fantasy. A little unsure of what to make of the fact that I am not completely in control of the response.
There was a time in my life that I would have been embarrassed to admit all this, but this time, I seem to have gotten myself to a place where instead of being a bit disturbed and disoriented by my response, I'm kind of embracing it -- it's kind of neat that to ride some emotional highs and lows, to lose myself a little bit and get to be someone else entirely. Sometimes losing myself helps me find things about myself that I had forgotten were there. Gets me inspired, shakes me up, reminds me how driven I can be when something really grabs my attention, and that I shouldn't give up on the idea that I can make a difference in the world.
I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this post, so please forgive me the rambling. One of those "found things" seems to be to get out there and do some more creative writing, tell some more stories about myself, move words around in pleasing ways. Perhaps in the next weeks, more of that sort of stuff will show up here as Dragon Age continues.
As an aside, there actually is a character in Dragon Age (an older, female mage -- ah, stereotypes -- but at least she is a pretty tough, non-typical older woman) that talks about "making fuzzy blankets with animals on them" and "slippers with pom poms" -- knitters, apparently, can be found on both sides of the reality divide.
I don't usually comment on blogs, but I was really struck by the how closely what you wrote mirrored my own experiences. I haven't ever got into role playing computer games, but I suspect at least in part I feel that the added pull of the graphics would be too much. The books pull me in plenty as it is.
Wow! I wonder if this experience of losing yourself in the world of a book is common to all biologists. I identify so strongly with what you say. I would even write stories about those worlds to stay in them a little longer. Thanks for sharing.
Michele
Those are all friends of mine too. Occasionally I have to revisit them. What's really cool is being able to introduce some of them to my daughter as she comes of age and see who else is new (Girlwood, Claire Dean--"novel and environmental fairy tale").
I think you perfectly described the experience and clearly you are not the only one who experiences it! I am not into "Role Playing" games because I abhor combat of any kind. It makes me too edgy and nervous. I play ADVENTURE games instead. I haven't found a good one in a long time but "The Longest Journey" is pretty much the pinnacle, IMHO, despite its potty mouthed characters. I've played through all "Myst" variations as well. I'm spoiled to really great fiction and games that truly "suck you in" so I find that I am EXTREMELY picky when it comes to books. If it does not give me that breathless, heartpounding feeling that I'm really THERE, I toss it aside. Recently, the best "fantasy buzz" has been from Elizabeth Haydon's "Rhapsody" books, Brandon Sanderson's "Mistborn" books and from my eleventy seventh reading of Stephen R. Donaldson's "Mirror of Her Dreams"/"A Man Rides Through" series. If you've not read any of the above, RUN don't walk and get them. I PROMISE you that you will not be disappointed.
I never got into the LotR books, because I have a hard time reading a lot of description. For all the action there is a ton of it, but I'm a sucker for Mordant's Need and many other fantasy novels. I'm not nearly picky enough though. If it is in the library I will try it, though I no longer kick myself for not finishing every book from the library.
Of course, lately I've been reading paranormal romance novels (vampires and werewolves), which are mostly set in a grittier version of modern day. So gripping!
I'm also in the tech field, and it's liberating to think that it doesn't have to just do important stuff, it can provide entertainment also, which can also be considered important.
This resonates so strongly for me. I still have a stash of those high school reads under my bed for truly stressful times. While I enjoy reading fantasy/scifi for pleasure alone, I find it incredibly valuable for momentarily escaping reality during stressful times. I think there's something healing in being able to be absorbed wholly into another world for an hour or two, which at least in my case allows the internal dialog to silence itself for a while.
Wow. I wasn't expecting hardly any commentary on this post. But it's so nice to hear that I'm not alone -- once again, technology supporting creativity, I think.
Where were all you great people when I was in high school? Ah, if only I could reload that save game with some better NPCs.
You are not alone.
I've not been pulled in by the role playing games, but I can still be pulled into a good book...series and not want to come out.
I still have books from my highschool years that I read over again every so often. Sometimes you need that all encompassing comfort.
I really enjoyed your article. I am also a technical person and find myself completely involved in what ever book I read. I'm currently reading every free second a book called "Love Tag" by author Peter Shianna. The book just grabbed me and I'm hanging on every word.
I was luckier with school but still love fantasy. (By the way, you have a little typo - it's "Asprin," not "aspirin," though he used the pun himself.) Have you read _The Wee Free Men_ by Terry Pratchett?
Thank you for sharing. You are absolutely not alone in that you would not want to go back to high school.
The turns to fantasy as an antidote to technology makes perfect sense.
And the embracing of your "ride"? Sounds like cool maturity to me.
I love all of Peirs Anthony's novels and I read every one I could get my hands on from the time I found him by accident in 9th grade. The Xanth series was a favorite! I also got sucked right into the Chronicles of Narnia a few years before. Never left my room all Summer!
Have you picked up anything (books) by China Mieville? Great fantasty worlds, richly evocative writing, unlike most of what is out there currently. Perdido Street Station is the best.